New Year's Resolutions...

Last year, I actually stuck to my resolution and lost some weight. This year, I hope to keep the streak alive. Here are the resolutions de year (what's year in French?) um... de l'année?

-Work on getting toned.
-Go to Bally's on a regular basis.
-Run a marathon.
-Make definite steps toward finishing my master's.
-Find a hair color I can be happy with (although my dark blonde is growing on me--as long as the roots aren't visible.)
-Save more money.
-Take a real vacation.

Those are do-able, no?

This is getting quite disturbing...

I was just informed that I'm the "Penthouse Librarian." I didn't have the heart to argue that I'm not yet finished with my degree...why must I be the topic of these discussions? And why aren't I more irritated?!? I'm actually flattered!

On another note: my New Year's Resolution is to get fit and toned. Part of that will be achieved by visiting the batting cage down the street. I'm sure I'll get a decent upper arm/back workout by doing that. And it's outdoors. And it's biking distance! Unfortunately, they open April 15th. I really need to get in shape. I'm falling asleep right now. My lunch is almost over and I feel like a siesta. My metabolism is all messed up thanks to holiday eating/pigging out!

One more thing...

Friday was the 2 year anniversary of my Jeopardy! episode airing. None of my family asked me about it! The healing has begun! If only the same can be said for at work...

Singleness...

This weekend, as I was laying in bed eating pumpkin seeds, reading "America: The Book" from the Daily Show and watching "Good Eats" it hit me: I really am not looking to date anyone right now--not that any guys are beating down my door. I'm finally comfy in my own skin and I don't feel like compromising for just some guy. Then, this morning in the shower (where all the best thinking of the day takes place) I realized that if I found someone, my chances of relocation are somewhat diminished. I don't want to compromise for anyone. I need to get the wanderlust out of my system! Also, for the first time in a long time I do not have a pathetic crush tearing me apart. Mr. Former Workplace Crush is history, but all in all, it was fun.

Onto another topic: Christmas. I was extremely blessed this year with goodies! Here is a short list of my presents:

Lilac sweater set
Chunky pearl-like necklace
Turtle stash box
2 Black t-shirts
Undies
Nail clipper set
"Pirate jewelry" pendant
Cashmere scarf and gloves
Super-warm mittens
Money
"The Rule of Four"--which I shall start after I finish Dr. Zhivago.
OLD FASHIONED RECORD PLAYER!!!
and with money from Grandma and Grandpa--a cute pair of high-heel buckle shoes and "America: The Book"

I hope everyone liked what I bought for them.

Here's another something wonderful. For some reason, I have recently decided to embrace my inner sci-fi/unexplained phenomena geek. Within the last few weeks, I've been strangely interested in UFOs, ghosts, ESP and communication with the dead. I don't know what it is, but it's been a good five years since my last foray into this subject matter. It does pertain to the book I'm preparing to write, but now it's starting to affect my home life. Mom won't consider anything even vaguely paranormal and my parents are both telling me to act normal and find a boyfriend. *See paragraph #1!* I don't know exactly what this is but it's a phase that I find myself entertaining every five years or so.

Snow Day!!!

I'm really loving me some snow today! My dad (and for some reason his old air force buddy Mr. Steve who was on the phone last night chiming in with advice) thought that taking the super-depressing Van Dyke bus route would be a good idea on a snow-covered day like today. I guess it was a good idea, but damn...that route is so unbelievably depressing. In a 10-mile stretch, I am witness to the bleakest show on earth. I probably should've made a list-o-lowness during my drive. I'll make one on my way back. It will include vacant arson houses, roving packs of dogs, hookers and/or pimps, suspicious transactions and dealings, and maybe vacant businesses. Actually, I will make this list!

It's a slow day here. So far I've delivered a few presents to friends, snacked on a small cinnamon roll and a handful of red and green M&M's, did the mail, found some nice Jello recipes for Christmas Eve, and had a disturbing conversation with a secretary about the horrors of wearing a thin bra on a cold day at work. Since it's still snowing fairly steadily, we are all hoping to be let out early...yet I'm not holding my breath.

Here's a shout-out to Liz regarding the Indigo Child post. Yes, I know, I know, I know this is all totally bunk. There's a small part of me that needs to feel like I'm special and different...okay, most of me wants to feel this way. Everyone who reads the criteria can say "Yeah, that's me! I'm special! I'm really somebody" I know my family would love to attribute my diagnosed ADD to me being an alien, but that would just be their way of explaining their nerdy, scattered, oddball daughter. I'm not an alien, just the black sheep. And thanks for the pup comment. It made me smile!

Ouch!

I just had the following conversation with a coworker who shall remain anonymous:

Coworker: No one's going to be here tomorrow. It's going to be dead, especially if we get the 10 inches of snow predicted.
Me: I'm going to be here tomorrow!
Coworker: I meant no one important.
Me: Ouch! The truth hurts!

The entire South-East Lower Michigan area is expecting 8-10 inches of snow by Friday, which will be a major pain in the ass for Kate who's driving in tomorrow from West Virginia. If we get the full amount of snow, I'm officially making tomorrow "work place casual Thursday." There's no way in hell I'm wearing dress shoes and tights in the slush. This shall put a crimp in my Christmas Eve wardrobe choices. Every year we have a semi-traditional Polish Christmas Eve party at my grandparents and it is a dress-up occasion. Since I've lost some of my surplus tonnage, I wanted to wear this awesome red totally retro Goodwill dress, but the look might be ruined with the precipitation and I'll be forced to wear something sweater-ish. I really do need to look good this year. Last year I wore an Indian print maternity shirt which I though looked sweet. In fact, in pictures I looked about 6 months along. The fact that I was drinking all night probably didn't look too good to casual, non-related observers. I'll make up for it this year.

It's the little things...

Dear Diary,

This morning, I was told that I'm too smart to be a paralegal (although that sentence structure is mentally questionable.) I have a meeting at Wayne State this afternoon to discuss my Master's degree progress. It should be really interesting. I need to finish this degree. I'm getting too old. My age is really creeping up. I'm 27 and really should have some kind of plan for my life. At least a career goal. I need a back-up if the FBI or air force don't pann out. I don't really look my age. My mom officially said I look 23. I'm not complaining.

Also, I've been doing some reading on the topic of "Indigo Children." It's really difficult to explain, but I'm most certaintly an "Indigo Adult" Here are the criteria:

Are You an Adult Indigo?
Yes, You can be an adult Indigo. They did not JUST start coming in now, the numbers have just been increasing more and more til there are so many we finally can not ignore them. Yeay!!! Are you an adult Indigo?

I believe Adult Indigos have these characteristics:

--Are intelligent, though may not have had top grades.
--Are very creative and enjoy making things.
--Always need to know WHY, especially why they are being asked to do something.
--Had disgust and perhaps loathing for much of the required and repetitious work in school.
--Were rebellious in school in that they refused to do homework and rejected authority of teachers, OR seriously wanted to rebel, but didn't DARE, usually due to parental pressure.
--May have experienced early existential depression and feelings of helplessness. These may have ranged from sadness to utter despair. Suicidal feelings while still in high school or younger are not uncommon in the Indigo Adult.
--Have difficulty in service-oriented jobs. Indigos resist authority and caste system of employment.
--Prefer cooperative efforts, leadership positions, or working alone.
--Have deep empathy for others, yet an intolerance of stupidity.
--May be extremely emotionally sensitive including crying at the drop of a hat (no shielding) Or may be the opposite and show no expression of emotion (full shielding).
--May have trouble with RAGE.
--Have trouble with systems they consider broken or ineffective ie. political, educational, medical, and legal.
--Alienation from or anger with politics - feeling your voice won't count and that the outcome really doesn't mattter.
--Frustration with or rejection of the traditional American dream - 9-5 career, marriage, 2.5 children, house with white picket fence, etc.
--Anger at rights being taken away, fear and/or fury at "Big Brother watching you."
--They feel a burning desire to do something to change and improve the world. May be stymied what to do. May have trouble identifying their path.
--Have psychic or spiritual interest fairly young - in or before teen years.
--Had few if any Indigo role models.
--Have strong intuition.
--Random behavior pattern or mind style - (symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder), may have trouble focusing on assigned tasks, may jump around in conversations.
--Have had psychic experiences, such as premonitions, seeing angels or ghosts, out of body experiences, hearing voices.
--May be electrically sensitive such as watches not working and street lights going out as you move under them, electrical equipment malfunctioning and lights blowing out.
--May have awareness of other dimensions and parallel realities.
--Sexually are very expressive and inventive OR may reject sexuality in boredom or with intention of achieving higher spiritual connection. May explore alternate types of sexuality.
--Seek meaning to their life and understanding about the world May seek this through religion or spirituality, spiritual groups and books, self-help groups and books.
--If they find balance they may become very strong, healthy, happy individuals.

Thanks a ton, Daddy...

Yesterday, I was chatting with my dad and discussing my future career options. We somehow wandered onto the topic of the Air Force (I think weight loss and BMI numbers were involved) and now I'm also considering joining up after I finish the library science degree! I would take the officer's exam and hope my test-taking skills are functioning at high power. I could be assigned to cryto. perhaps, if I'm far enough removed from Poland. Apparently, being a first generation American knocked many people out (like my dad) of competition for the hot, dandy, highly-sought after positions. Maybe as a second generation, I could make it!

I'm getting rather superficial in my old age. After our stunning career conversation, my only question was "will they make me cut my hair?" Hey, it's finally getting long and decent looking again!

Vitamin deficiencies and other joys...

Oh, this is not good. Throughout the past several years, I have been experiencing really intense, long-lasting food cravings. The most recent ones include: bacon, Olga's meat (lamb, I think) and now the craving de jour is kapusta or sauerkraut to you non-Polish food coniseurs. The bacon one was rather nice. I kept Kosher for nearly a year and decided to go absolutely "hog wild"--pardon the pun. I couldn't get enough bacon! I'd walk to Shish Kebob on weekend mornings, sit in my little back-of-the-restaurant booth and order coffee, rye toast and a large order of bacon, and read for a nice, long time. Mmmmm. Last December I decided to try the Atkin's Diet and decided to eat only bacon. Two days into this experiment, I started developing the symptoms of gout!

I've found that the Olga meat craving is easily overcome. When I go to Olga's, I only get an original with no tomato, light sauce, regular onions and extra meat. Curly fries are sometimes involved. That's usually a $10.00 meal, so it's a special occasion craving.

This kapusta crave is really weird. At Nino Savaggio's (sp?) a few weeks ago I had a free sample of kielbasa and kapusta. The sausage wasn't Kowalski, so eh, but the little bit of cabbage in the sample cup had pushed me into another crave. It's a biggie! I had a giant spoonful of kapusta straight from the jar right before bed last night. I'm craving it right now!!!

And now for something completely different. I need to figure out how to do a pull-up. I've never had the upper-body strength before, but the FBI Physical Fitness Test is starting to intrigue me. As of right now, I could be expected to score maybe an 8, so although I've lost weight, I still am in suck-ass physical shape.

"Special Agent applicants are expected to arrive at the FBI Academy in excellent physical condition. The FBI currently uses a four event Physical Fitness Test (PFT) to assess the level of fitness of Special Agent applicants and Special Agent trainees. The four events and the order they are administered are as follows: 1) one minute sit-ups, 2) a 300 meter sprint, 3) maximum push-ups, and 4) a one and one half mile (1.5 mile run). The FBI chose these four events for the PFT because they accurately measure an individual's overall fitness level relative to the essential tasks performed by FBI Special Agents. In order to pass the PFT, Special Agent applicants and Special Agent trainees must achieve a minimum cumulative score of 12 points with at least one point in each of the four events."

The scoring scales for males and females for each event of the PFT are set forth below

Scoring Scale for One-Minute Sit-ups
Females Males
Score Range Range
-2 29 and below 31 and below
0 30-34 32-37
1 35-36 38
2 37-40 39-42
3 41-42 43-44
4 43-46 45-47
5 47-48 48-49
6 49-50 50-51
7 51-52 52-53
8 53-54 54-55
9 55-56 56-57
10 57 and over 58

Scoring Scale for 300 Meter Sprint (in seconds)

Females Males
Score Range Range
-2 67.5 and over 55.1 and over
0 67.4-65.0 55.0-52.5
1 64-9-62.5 52.4-51.1
2 62.4-60.0 51.0-49.5
3 59.9-57.5 49.4-48.0
4 57.4-56.0 47.9-46.1
5 55.9-54.0 46.0-45.0
6 53.9-53.0 44.9-44.0
7 52.9-52.0 43.9-43.0
8 51.9-51.0 42.9-42.0
9 50.9-50.0 41.9-41.0
10 49.9 and below 40.9 and below

Scoring Scale for Push-ups

Females Males
Score Range Range
-2 4 and below 19 and below
0 5-13 20-29
1 14-18 30-32
2 19-21 33-39
3 22-26 40-43
4 27-29 44-49
5 30-32 50-53
6 33-35 54-56
7 36-38 57-60
8 39-41 61-64
9 42-44 65-70
10 45 and over 71 and over

Scoring Scale for 1.5 Mile Run (in minutes:seconds)

Females Males
Score Range Range
-2 15:00 and over 13:30 and over
0 14:59-14:00 13:29-12:25
1 13:59-13:35 12:24-12:15
2 13:34-13:00 12:14-11:35
3 12:59-12:30 11:34-11:10
4 12:29-11:57 11:09-10:35
5 11:56-11:35 10:34-10:15
6 11:34 -11:15 10:14-9:55
7 11:14-11:06 9:54-9:35
8 11:05-10:45 9:34-9:20
9 10:44-10:35 9:19-9:00
10 10:34 and below 8:59 and below

Scoring Scale for Pull-ups

Females Males
Score Range Range
0 0 0-1
1 1 2-3
2 2 4-5
3 3 6-7
4 4 8-9
5 5 10-11
6 6 12-13
7 7 14-15
8 8 16-17
9 9 18-19
10 10 and over 20 and over

So, from now on, I shall try to get my tushie out of bed early and exercise in the morning. So long Mr. Snooze Button. Hello bitter arctic early morning blasts of wind and snow!

Agent Jen: Special Library Investigator

Things have been changing lately. My ever-evolving career plan has decided to take a new, yet old twist. I'm now planning on finishing my library science degree, get a job at a library somewhere, and work on joining the FBI. Yes, yes, I can imagine everyone who knows me well thinking "Um, okay...wasn't that your grand plan during high school? Back during your 'Silence of the Lambs' plase? Or was that your 'Twin Peaks' phase? Or was that during your 'X-Files' phase?" I shall answer all your internal wonderings right now--Shut the hell up!!! :)

Generally, the FBI is looking for people with degrees in law enforcement, accounting, and the physical sciences, but there is a category in which I might fit in:

DIVERSIFIED:
"To qualify under the Diversified Program, you must have a BS or BA degree in any discipline, plus three years of full-time work experience, or an advanced degree accompanied by two years of full-time work experience."
Okay, they did say ANY discipline. I've got a BS in journalism and art history. Yeah, that realy doesn't get me anywhere. BUT I'll have a master's with 4+ years of full-time work experience. That just might cut it!

Maybe, just maybe I want to be a librarian with a gun?

really-lame-dudes.com

I was taking my shower this morning, and as always was doing my best thinking of the day. I started compiling all the guys I've talked to/had at least one dinner date with all year. 2004 was certaintely the year for the wasting time with useless guys. I shall use only initials, to protect the lame-o's (and the one or two decent guys in the mix.)

1. K. Nice guy, 5 dates or so, only friendly; just wasn't interested in me.
2. J. Had a nice lunch date at Greektown. Never heard from him again.
3. M. Talked with him on the phone twice, I think. He was pretty stupid.
4. J. Smart, Roeper School guy. Touched my hair during dinner (creepy) and told me the saga of his gay father. A bit of a turnoff. On the upside--great dinner of chicken torteloni.
5. G. Uber loser. Hung out with for a few weeks, then he disappeared. Complete cheapskate and total turd-licker.
6. M. Very nice guy with cute cats and deep emotional problems. Disappeared.
7. T. Nice guy, had 3+ hour dinner date. We got along really well, never heard from him again.
8. C. Completely self-centered name-dropper; I had a bowl of salmon corn chowder--Mmmm! I missed his last call and never called back.
9. CC. Total asshole.
10. R. Only talked on the phone. Has no future goals and/or aspirations. Criticized me for having plans and for thinking about my future.
11. M. Super nice guy, too busy with work to date.
12. S. Nice guy; one sushi date, never heard from him again.

Not one serious thing in over a year. At least I did get a few free dinners and movies! Maybe I've got the beginnings of a chick-lit novel with all this "research."

Oh, that's not me...

The picture I have on my dashboard area and on the "Brain Log" isn't me. It's a 30+ year old picture of Cybil Sheppard. I've been told numerous times that I closely resemble her, when she was in her twenties. I've also been told that I resemble Christine Taylor (of "Hey Dude" and Brady Bunch movies fame) and an intoxicated guy at a party last spring said I resembled Alicia Silverstone.

In 1997, I was told that I resembled Louise Woodward, the English baby-shakin' au pair nanny who was in the news. She had a remarkably fat face at the time. So did I. I think we both attributed the look to a bad hairstyle.

Yippee!

I found a dress!!! It's black with thin spaghetti straps, pink netting at the hem and a pink frufru at the bust line. And as an added bonus, it fits and looks good.

I modeled it for my mom yesterday while she was working in "Intimates." She looked at me with a strange look on her face. Here's what the conversation was like:
ME: What?
MOM (with a puzzled look on her face): Nothing.
ME: What?
MOM: It looks nice, it's just that...
ME: You're just not used to seeing me in a dress like this. I never went to any homecomings, or proms, or cotillions, or coming-out parties (debutante or gay.) You're used to Kate showing this much skin, not me.
MOM: Yeah, that's why the dress looks like that on you. It's very 1950's.
ME (jumping): And I don't need a bra, do I?

And anyone who ventured into the fitting room learned that, no, I don't need a bra with this dress. The pink frufru covers both form and function.

I WANT TO BE A LIBRARIAN!!!!

I thought it was just a passing "Party Girl" phase, but after serious consideration, I've decided to go back to Wayne State and finish my Master's in Library and Information Science. About two years ago, I dropped out of the program, citing many reasons for my change of mind. After all that time, and a little dalliance with Oakland U's paralegal program, I know now for sure that I NEED to become a librarian.

My current job in the library is slowly killing me each and every day...but I work at a law firm library and my job is highly unusual. I have no peers and no one to talk to. I'm the only library assistant in Detroit. I'm completely isolated. I know for certain that being a reference librarian at a nice, window-filled public library will be much different. My job has caused me to change my mind about a lot of things, and this has not been a good thing. My mind races and I'm constantly thinking of different occupations that I can try. I'm always jumpy, nervous, and depressed. My anxiety level is always sky-high. I'm perpetually melancholy. I no longer care about the law. I think that perhaps, maybe, my job is mentally and emotionally toxic...but unfortunately, I can't afford to pursue anything else. I'm not qualified to do anything except wait tables, make coffee and shelf books. After all that education, that's all I know how to do. The friendships and medical benefits are keeping me here. Maybe if the librarian talked to me or even said thank you or said God forbid "good job" would I feel better. Or if she even said "good morning." Alas, no. But I feel really terrible. I want to be a productive cog in the works here, but I feel so unbelievably useless. I've mentioned this to my parents and was basically told that everyone hates their jobs, so quit complaining.

Everything is rotten. I had to take a link away from my paperclip-weight loss chain. I gained one pound. That's better off than I'd usually be this time of year. The staff holiday party is on Saturday and I can't find a dress to wear. I absolutely can't! I shopped at Marshall Field's at Oakland and at Sommerset and nothing looked good on me. I don't know what happened--I lost almost 20 pounds and somehow stayed in the same size! I've even gotten bigger in places. Maybe I was bloated when trying on the dresses, but who knows? The problem with last week was the absence of my "Friday Fast." For the past several weeks, my Friday diet has consisted of oatmeal for breakfast, fruit and veggies for lunch and dinner, and TONS of water. All sugars and salts entering my system will be all natural. Basically I pee out all the impurities and am non-bloated for my Saturday morning weigh-in. This past Friday, the leftovers were too strong a temptation for me...and now I'm bummed.

So to sum everything up: I want to be a librarian, I'm trapped in a dead-end job, I'm not as fat as I used to be, but still a bit bigger than I was, and I'm a depressing drip.

Ugh...

I am going to explode. To quote the commercial: "I can't believe I ate the whole thing." I ate mostly cranberries, jello, a tiny piece of turkey, mashed cauliflower, a cornbread roll, a bit of stuffing and green bean casserole. This is much less than I usually eat, but I'm not used to stuffing myself anymore.

Pink-Eyed Monster...

After weeks of putting it off, I shall be going to the emergency room sometime around noon today. Actually I'll be visiting Beaumont's "Prompt Care" since the doctor's who deal with the heart-attack victims don't have the patience for ol' Pink-Eye McGee (aka ME.)

It's my right eye (my right) and it's actually quite attractive. Nice swollen lid, cotton-candy pink sclera, bloodshot veins a-plenty. Plus, as an added bonus, it feels like a knife is embedded in my eye socket!

I look like I just had the shit beaten out of me, since the eye is watery and light sensitive and my dark circles are pronounced. I always look terrible this time of year because I always get incredibly pale but the dark circles (or allergic shiners as some prefer to call them) become darker and way more purple. I don't even bother with cover up during the winter months. I end up looking like I have something nasty and fatal. It does get me sympathy sometimes. Apparently, I looked so bad during the winter of first grade that my teachers became worried. Child abuse was suspected, but since I had a bloody nose nearly every day, threw up on a regular basis and was always really phlegmy and mucousy, it was decided that I was just a really sick kid.

At least it's a slow day at work. I can close my door and just wallow.

More blah...

Today I saw Mr. Former-Workplace-Crush and yes, the word "former" is now part of his title. I didn't turn red or develop that stupid nervous laugh when speaking with him. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if the crush wore off on it's own, or if I'm in such a low mood that I convinced myself that nothing good is ever going to happen to me. I'm always like this during the holidays. I'm completely alone; hearing jewelry commercials on the radio and seeing nice young couples walking around holding hands just makes me ache. I saw tons of nice, happy couples walking around Birmingham last night. I have to admit, this seasonal depression has set in earlier than usual. It was a shittier year than usual, that's for sure.

I've lost a total of 18 pounds so far, so my Thanksgiving goal wasn't completely given up on, unlike all the other goals of years past. Everyone at work is now noticing how different I look, and I'm really getting uncomfortable. For nearly 27 years, I've done everything in my power to blend in with the crowd. Everything I own is black (of course, everything always matches!) but I'm now being singled out. It is amusing but still creepy. I've definitely lost the most weight in my face, stomach, and back. My hair is getting longer and I'm still highlighting it, so maybe I'm subconsciously wanting to be noticed. After so many years of avoiding attention, maybe things will begin to change.

Best weight loss quote I've been told so far: "Why you losin' weight? Only a dog wants a bone!"

I really need something to change. This is the deepest rut I've ever been stuck in.

Blah...

That just about explains everything in my life these days. I'm just existing right now. It's that pre-holiday burn-out sensation I'm suffering from, I think. It's six days until Thanksgiving and I'm already sick of hearing Christmas music. Two lame-o easy listening radio stations are playing exclusively Christmas music and have been since Halloween. That's a little bit excessive, don't you think? The only Christmas songs I enjoy are "Christmastime is Here" from Charlie Brown's Christmas and "Do They Know It's Christmas?" by Band-Aid. What would the holidays be without Bono's really creepy line "Tonight thank God it's them instead of you...?" Of course who could forget "There won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime..." Okay, don't get me wrong, I love this song...it's just that if an African tribesperson living in a grass hut in the Sudan or Somalia ever saw snow, they'd absolutely freak.

I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving. This is a brief (kinda) rundown of the menu:
Deep fried Turkey
Turkey on the outside grill
Microwavable mashed potatoes (so Mom won't be freaking out over lumps, mashing, etc...)
Green Bean casserole (for Kate)
Sweet Potatoes with bananas and butter pecans (I'm making this)
Cranberries with hazelnuts (I'm making this)
Gravy
Stuffing
Mashed Cauliflower (low carb, I'm making this)
Rolls
Pumpkin Pie
Apple Pie
Other assorted vegetables
Chips and dip
Fruitcake Jello (I'm making this)
Cherry Almond Jello (I'm making this)

A good portion of the recipes and ideas for the menu are from the food channel. We're really having a southern-style spread this year. And if anyone complains, THEY CAN HOST THE PARTY NEXT YEAR!!!!! Although I do not like sweet potatoes or bananas, the recipe I saw on TV was too good to pass up. I'm going to be a real helper this year. Things should be quite interesting.

Maybe I'm blah due to my choice of movies and music lately. Last week I watched "Magnolia" for the first time. Superb movie, although the fact that I identify with the off-kilter coke junkie Claudia is slightly unsettling. Tom Cruise was actually okay (for a change) and Philip Seymour Hoffman rocked my world as usual. Of course, I've been listening to Aimee Mann more than one probably should these days. She's uber-awesome (I can't get the umlaut to work!)

Maybe it's the fact that Matt cancelled our little date scheduled for last night. He said he had food poisoning. He probably has some "not-interested-in-jen-itis" mixed in.

Sigh.

A bit lax...

Yeah, I've been a bit negligent lately, but since no one actually reads this, I don't feel too bad. Here are a few of the matters that have been occupying my time lately:

The Diet:
As of this morning I have lost 16 pounds. Now I wear a size 6 in pants. Dangity, that felt weird to type! I am only halfway finished with my weight-loss escapade. 109 seems like a long way off, but I do detect the light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, I'll look like a schlep in my too-big clothing since I'm way too po to do any serious shopping. I haven't been this light since high school, and since I was the world's biggest dork back then, clothing from that era is not a wearable option.

The School:
I don't want to talk about it. I'm sick of it.

The 50,000 word novel:
This is showing a little bit of promise. Now if I can only get my brain organized enough to sit down and write. It's all about Gypsies, communication with the dead, the occult, and a miserable gal just like me who's lookin' fer love. Maybe I'll actually get it published...*snort*

Match.com:
I met a really nice guy on Thursday. Matt is an orthopedic surgeon. He's blisteringly intelligent and easy to talk to. He sorta had this geeky hipster vibe. I dig him, ergo, I'll never hear from him again.

My Health:
So far I've been self-diagnosing sinus infections, ear infections, tonsillitis, and a clingy strain of pinkeye. I haven't had the time to actually go to the doctor, so basically I'm a sniffly, stuffy headed, hoarse, red-eyed monster. Quite attractive, hmmm? Luckily, people at work think I'm either not getting enough sleep or am perpetually stoned. No on both fronts.

Time to get back to the studying thang.

Detroit part II

Thanks to this movie being filmed downtown, the turds in charge of road construction have screwed with everyone trying to park, drive or work in this part of the city. The city has decided to focus on the construction project taking place on Larned, and in doing so, has blocked a bunch of the entrances to the garage. Maybe if they hadn't broken the watermains and gas lines during the past several months of construction, things would be on schedule???

And if that weren't enough, John Kerry is making a campaign stop at Hart Plaza on Monday. Where the hell will everyone park?????

Detroit is the place to be!

We were just given a press release from the location manager of the flick-in-the-making titled "The Island" starring Ewan McGreggor and Scarlett Johansen. For reasons that personally escape me, they have decided to shoot some scenes right outside my building on November 1st. Um, yeah. A futuristic horror drama shot on a corner occupied by art deco-style buildings? This means that from 7 am to 7 pm, no cars will be allowed to enter or exit the building's parking garage. And traffic will be a bitch x 1000. And people dressed in garb ala 2044 will be milling about. I guess the movie is about some kind of organ harvesting experimental project (sounds like "Parts: The Clonus Horror" btw--Great MST3K Episode.) I wonder what the 2044 fashions will be like?

And if that weren't enough, one of my co-workers swears she saw Jude Law at the IHOP on Jefferson. Or a good looking guy with a British accent and good manners and a confident attitude who was speaking to someone overseas on his cell (she's a bit nosy.) Anyway, she's positive it's him. Since I'm the "girl in the know"--her exact phrase, she had me find out if he was in town (God knows why) and I couldn't locate anything. Maybe the pigs in a blanket are an international draw? If it's a slow news day, I'm sure it will be reported.

Oww...

I participated in the Detroit Marathon 5K and now I am SORE! As I was laying around my office feeling sorry for myself, I eavesdropped on a conversation between two attorneys, one of whom ran the whole 26.? miles (his first marathon) and survived, and seems to be walking without any obvious difficulty. Damn, I'm a sorry-ass wimp! My 5K performance sucked thanks to asthma, the legs weren't too bad but the lungs completely pooped out after 1 stinking mile! I think I finished in 42 minutes! Lame!

My soreness can be attributed to the post-race massage I was given by the massage-therapy students set up at Ford Field. The girl who did my deep-tissue massage went a bit too deep in the muscle and I'm actually bruised. Again, insert the sorry-ass wimp comment here!

Mark my word--I will run the Detroit Marathon this time next year...and I will finish it!!!

I'll take "Awesome Jobs" for $1000, Alex...

As a former contestant on Jeopardy, I was just emailed and notified of several awesome opportunities for employment! This is strange! It's like everything is starting to fall into place! Maybe, one day, I can be a researcher and proofreader and actually doing something that I am qualified to do! This is what I've been waiting for forever! This kind of job. A job where I can be the world's biggest geek, and being that way would be encouraged! My brain can finally function in the manner in which it deserves!

Okay, resume workshop at my house this weekend!

Compliment

A co-worker saw me in the coffee room at work this morning and said "Hey sexy librarian!" I just can't take a compliment. I had to go on a tangent regarding the earned title of librarian and how one must have the Master's degree completed in order to ethically assume the title, much like calling oneself a doctor or lawyer...then I said, "Thanks for the compliment anyway." Everyone at work knows I'm a nut, but a basically harmless one. And I am wearing a short black skirt, heels, eye makeup and my hair is blonder than usual, so hey, maybe I am "sexy." Damn that was difficult to type!

Finally! A practical hobby...

I'm learning how to knit this afternoon!!! A group of secretaries (and non-secretarial me) have started a knitting group at work, and luckily I'm not the only complete beginner! I've been planning on learning for years, and I've had a few unsuccessful attempts involving how-to books with grade-school level instructions and supposedly easy-to-follow directions. Ha! Not so easy for everyone!

So here I am, in my little office with a ridiculous amount of yarn under my desk. And I somehow have acquired more kntting needles than most veteran knitters. I'll be happy to make a scarf for Kate's birthday.

File under "S" for Spinster

I just finished watching "Two Week's Notice" with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant. I need to disprove the myth once and for all: the smart, mousy girl never gets the cute, rich, successful guy. Whoever is spreading this crock of shit fantasy to all the plain girls must be stopped. And however hard one searches, sometimes there is not a pretty girl hiding under the glasses, braces and freckles.

Sick and tired...

I'm fighting diligently everyday but I can detect something big and nasty on the horizon. Something bigger than my puny immune system, something stronger than a dose of NyQuil, something thicker and more viscous than last year's bloody phlegm-a-thon. I'm slowly and surely getting sick and there's nothing I can do about it! Damn! And thanks to this flu shot shortage bullshit, I have decided to go sans-vaccination for the first year in a decade or so. Oh well, maybe a day spent at home in bed with a nice bowl of soup will do me some good.

Now onto tired. At the end of this month, I will be going on a Match.com sabbatical. I need a break from the hillbillies who wink at me and email me. I'm fairly specific on what I'm looking for in a fella: 27-32, at least a bachelor's degree, no children, impeccable grammar, no obivious interest in NASCAR or wrestling. I seem to be a magnet for every single guy in a 30 mile radius who doesn't fall into ANY of these catergories. And let me tell ya, there's very little in this world worse than opening an email and seeing a short, fat, bald (yet hairy in all the wrong places) 40-something guy posed "seductively" in a wife-beater carnie undershirt. Yick. So, unless a miracle occurs, I'll be taking a break from the online social life.

Happiness...

I've been bummed for a while now and things need to change. I'm going to start actively looking for things that make me happy and here are a few:

I just saw a preview for "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou"--the new Wes Anderson flick, and it looks totally, ridiculously awesome! It wil be released around Christmas.

I had a spiritual experience yesterday that made me question my career choices and life's purpose, yet again. I took the People Mover to the newly re-opened Downtown branch of the Detroit Public Library and from the moment I stepped over the threshold, I was awestruck. Seriously, I just had to stand back and look. It was amazing, just what a library was meant to be, and just what a Carnegie library should be. It was perfect! My heart was racing as I looked around the clean, crisp, marble floored building, climbed the curving staircase, looked at some exhibits (don't remember what they were) and settled down in the fiction reading room. This is seriously the over-romanticised idea of what my perfect library would be. And the library I would like to be a librarian at. I have about two years left to complete my MLIS, maybe I should think about doing that yet again.

It's a "Rainy Days and Mondays" kinda thang...

Yep, this is me (sans abs and loose boob, of course.)

Take the quiz: "Which'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=3097">"Which beautiful Sorceress are you?"

Lightening Sorceress
You depict the Lightening Sorceress! Controlling lightening and using it for weaponry is your main magic. The rain is your sanctuary and the thunder is your guide.

Realization...

It's days like today when I start to get really introspective and try to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. Although I'm 27 years old, I still occasionally say "When I grow up I'm going to..." then I catch myself and feel dumb. Yes, I know you're only as old as you feel, but since I have arthritis in my elbows, hips and left hand fingers, I'm feeling about 85. I still look really young and I'm carded all the time, but pretty soon I'm going to become just a lady instead of "young lady." Crain's Detroit Business has a yearly "40 Under 40" article, but I'm going to be forty in thirteen years. There's no way in hell I'm planning on getting into Crain's, especially since I don't care about business or starting a company.

I'm thinking about starting a music career...okay a music hobby to piss off my family and friends. Leonard Cohen was pushing 40 before he ever appeared on stage...but he was also a semi-well known poet, author and songwriter before the world knew him as a performer. I have one song mostly written: "We both know I'm better off alone." Isn't that a great title? I have other ideas about songs but they mostly revolve around things that are pissing me off at the time, like my desk chair and winter itch ("The hairy legs exzema itchiness blues.") If I had a wonderful voice things could work out, but I don't. I'm a second alto, and a fairly nasal one at that. Maybe if I wasn't perpetually stuffed up and bothered with sinus problems and other ear, nose and throat problems I would sound better. Leonard Cohen has the best voice, and like a fine wine, it's getting better with age. I could probably remember what I learned in guitar lessons from six years ago. Maybe I'll acquire a child's learning guitar for my child-size hands.

It's been an especially bad ADD day. I really haven't been able to accomplish any of my tasks for the day and I've been going mad! I even called around to try and find a psychiatrist who will prescribe Ritalin for me. I'm not too keen on how it seems to turn on and suddenly turn off, but it does work for nice, three hour long stretches. Another option is Adderal, but that shit is way addictive and I could see myself getting really screwed up on it. It took years to fight that addiction, and I still get cravings every time I thing about it...but the damn stuff worked so incredibly well!!!

People like me were never meant to have steady, 40 hour a week jobs. I'm sure my brain and flaky personality will get me fired and I'll never have a decent reference, and I'll be living with my parents ad infinitum! Yeah, like I need another situation like the one I'm in! I need to find employment at an art gallery, or at Borders, or somewhere where I can get the creative juices flowing. I'm an artist at heart. At the rate I'm going I'll be in a group home painting Grandma Moses-type folk art, after the lobotomy, of course.

Onychophagia and Onychotillomania

Yeah, at times I have the nasty habit of biting my fingernails and cuticles down to the nubs and now my fingers hurt like hell! Even typing is painful. And it's not even a good kind of pain. I can go for months at a time without biting, grow long and gorgeous, albeit bendy nails, but then something will happen and *BOOM* two seconds later-- bloody carcass stumps. Now my fingers look like those of ET when he and Elliot were getting sickly, right before the government bastards invaded the house in clean suits. Gray, scaly and nasty-pale--yeah, I guess the anemia doesn't help matters, aesthetically speaking.

Do you like American music?

I like American music best, baby! I've been thinking about my freshman year at college recently and remember several road trips involving the Violent Femmes. Now I'm listening to everything from them that I can find and I'm loving it. And if you should happen to see me singing along in my car-- big deal! I can't sing but I'm enjoying myself. I even discovered Yahoo's Launch--a cool site with zillions of videos available. I saw the vid. for "American Music" and it was bleepin' awesome!!! I didn't know they made one. I can recall a VF video on MTV's 120 Minutes maybe a decade ago, but this blast from the past was way long overdue. I was surprised to find a video for "Children of the Revolution"--better than the T-Rex version, if you ask me, and I'm very familiar with both.

Awesome!!!!!

Shaun of the Dead ROCKS!!! And now I have "Panic" fromThe Smiths stuck in my head.

One More Thing...

Happy October!! I'm decorating the house for Halloween this weekend! (Just the inside and just with pumpkins.)

100 Things all about me (11-23)

11. My eyes are very green; NOT hazel.
12. I was once dumped for Star Wars! (although I'm sure there were more factors involved on his end, this is all I know for sure.)
13. I am double jointed.
14. I rescued/adopted an Eastern Box Turtle named John. His previous, not-very-nice family called him "Longneck."
15. I have the nasty habit of biting my fingernails down to the nubs.
16. I was a huge "Twin Peaks" fan and love anything David Lynch does.
17. When I'm in shape, I'm a pretty good distance runner.
18. I have been experiencing an intense craving for Olga's Original Lamb for a few years. It won't go away.
19. I prefer British comedies to most American TV shows.
20. I have studied piano, flute and guitar. I taught myself clarinet.
21. Through research and trial, I discovered that the two most deadly songs in the world are "Brand New Key (I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates)" by Melanie and "Funky Town." "The Pina Colada Song (Escape)" is a close third. Try functioning with any of these stuck in your head.
22. I've seen They Might Be Giants in concert three times.
23. I love the cartoon "Kim Possible."

That's all for now!

Witchy Woman...

I'm not a witch...not that there's anything wrong with it, but if I was, I'd be a Water Witch!


You are a water witch. Beautiful and intuitive, you
draw your power from the water. You can be
tranquil and terrible at one and the same time
and might be described as "moody."
You appreciate literature and may be a
poet/writer. Graceful and powerful as the water
itself, the rest of us envy your ability to
love and be loved by others.

What kind of 'witch' are you?
brought to you by

Blah...

It's an okay day so far. After waking up at 5:00, eating a balanced breakfast, showering, dressing, looking presentable, making a lunch and managing to get to work at 7:45, everything is going fine so far. But I'm still functioning at 37% I'm feeling really anxious, but that could be attributed to the extra cup of coffee this morning, but probably not. I'm having bad dreams about school already, so I'll do nothing but study all weekend. My mom and dad are driving to WV to see Kate on Saturday, so the whole house will be mine. I'm having a house party! With Bird and Turtle. I'm sure the turtle could do a better keg stand than me.

Against the wishes of some people, I did not ask out my crush. After years of opportunities, I took the safe route. Maybe it's for the best...I know it's not, but I'll keep telling myself this. It's been such a long time since I was happy in another person's presence. I'm not sure I've ever been completely happy when dating any of the (very few) guys from my past. After a couple of months (or weeks) I would find myself mentally trying to burn a hole in the back of their heads. This is kinda sick but absolutely true; I was trying to harness my psychic powers to do evil. That's not a sign of a healthy relationship. I can't remember doing that to Luis, but he treated me like shit from the beginning and I was basically a doormat.

Okay, enough. I need to get back to work.

Sigh...

After several weeks building up to this moment I've finally moved and am somewhat settled. Hello again to the SH! I'm currently horrified to be surrounded by almost 2.5 years of accumulated possesstions crap. How the hell did I collect so much shit. I'm currently taking a break from hanging all my clothes and organizing my closet, and in a few minutes I shall try to concentrate on my accounting homework. I don't know how I'll be able to do this...I'm having a serious ADD problem right now. I can't even concentrate enough to read a magazine article! Maybe once things settle down and everything is put away, or into storage, or sent to Salvation Army will I be able to concentrate again. I'm a flake today and I don't care!

Time to get back to work... yeah right--The Wedding Singer is on!

This explains why...

I'm not going to ask him out.


You are a light fairy. Your wings are transparent
and whispy. You are a dreamer and a thinker.
You love books and philoshophy, but in a darker
mood you can be cold and distant. You spend a
lot of time to yourself to think and you love
arts and books. You can be a bit too shy for
your own good and this may cause people not to
like you because they can't find out who you
really are.

*~What kind of fairy are you?~* ((awesome pictures!))
brought to you by

Moving Day Eve

The movers will be arriving sometime early tomorrow morning. Am I packed and ready to go? Hell no! It looks like I'll be pulling the first all-nighter since CMU. Here is my little agenda for the next 20 or so hours:

1. Bedroom
--Clear clutter
--Sheets in laundry
--Pack pillows
--Pack remaining clothes

2. Bathroom
--Remove shower curtain, leave liner
--Bath mats in laundry
--pack up all makeup, tolietries

3. Kitchen
--Do dishes, pack dishes

4. Living room
--Throw out old magazines
--pack up DVDs and videos

5. Closets
--Pack up winter coats.

I really become hyper-focused when I am under stress!

Melancholy Jen...

I'm in a fairly depressed state. I've been living with my social anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember, and so far I've been able to cope with everything, within reason. Okay, sure I threw up in more than one speech class. Now I feel the need to do something completely un-characteristic of me. I need to ask a guy out. Out for drinks or something. If I were to do this, it would be like me asking him "Would it be alright if I threw up on your shoes?"

I can't do this. I've talked it over with Kate and Liz and they keep saying "ask him out. You'll regret it forever if you don't." Well, I'm full of regrets and I can't do a damn thing unless there are psychiatric drugs in my system. I'm too shy for this. I'll just regret everything and grow old completely alone, apart from the turtle. Why must my life be this shitty?

Cough, cough, wheeeeezzzzeee...

I knew it would happen: I'm sick from swimming in Lake Michigan...in September...in the UP...and allowing my hair to air-dry...all the while being surrounded by four dogs (Sadie, Chelsea, Cosmo and Smokey) and a cat (Shiloh)...and smoke by a camp fire. Yep, the asthma is acting up a just a tad bit.

I've got school (torts) tonight but the only thing on my mind is food. No Points left for tonight. Maybe I''ll crack open a nice can of green beans for din. Mmmmm. :P I didn't lose any weight last week, didn't gain any either. Grand Total: 10.5 lbs!!!

I've noticed lots (607) of viewers to my little blog. Who are you? Why are you visiting? Don't you have any place more interesting and/or mentally stimulating to visit? I'm just a aimless, library-dropout with a chronically pissy mood. The mood will be shitty for the next two weeks at least. Then I predict something will change, for the better, hopefully. This September has SUCKED!

Leonard Cohen is turning 70!

Check out this link:
Who held a gun to Leonard Cohen's head?

tiny little VACATION!

Yay! The weekend is almost here! I'm going to St. Ignace for a little college-buddy reunion and 30th birthday party for my friend Becky! Yow! As far as I'm concerned, I'm already there, although I'm still my my chilly, grey office. Speaking of chilly, I'm planning on swimming in Lake Michigan. Sub-zero temperatures be damned!

From The New Yorker...

THE UNDECIDED
by PATRICIA MARX
Issue of 2004-09-20Posted 2004-09-13
The Los Angeles Times poll said one-third of the voters surveyed said they did not know enough about Kerry to decide whether he would be a better president than Bush. —The St. Petersburg Times.
“What do you stand for? Who the hell are you? And what are you passionate about, other than holding office?” asks Frances Montrosso, 58, a house cleaner from Syracuse, N.Y. —The Los Angeles Times.
I know, I know, I know. At the last focus group, I said that I’d make up my mind by the next focus group. But how can anyone choose, given how little we know, even today, about John Kerry? Sure, I’ve read all his speeches and I’ve done an online background check, looking into his possible unclaimed property, deadbeat parents, and outstanding fines owed to the Department of Motor Vehicles. But is this enough? As a voter committed to making a responsible decision, I want to know the real John Kerry.
—We know, for instance, that John Kerry went to Yale, but did he ever meet my friend Penny, who also went there?
—Has John Kerry taken a position on whether he would rather freeze to death or burn to death?
—It’s safe to say that everyone is curious about how pants end up on the side of the highway. What light can John Kerry shed on this?
—Do you think John Kerry needs any capers? Because I bought too many, and something tells me they’re too foreign for Bush.
—O.K., forget policy. When it comes to John Kerry, we have no information about even the basics. For example, what’s his lucky number?
—We have evidence that John Kerry played bass in high school with a band called the Electras. In light of this, does he know what “In-a-gadda-da-vida” means?
—In the upcoming Presidential debates, is John Kerry willing to debate the question “Who’s your favorite Stooge—Larry, Moe, or Shemp?”?
—Is John Kerry familiar with all 57 Varieties?
—John Kerry’s height (six feet four) is public knowledge, but who knows his depth?
—Why has John Kerry remained silent on the issue of men wearing sandals with socks?
—What does John Kerry think of my proposal that there be a rating for stupid movies, called IQ-13?
—If John Kerry were offered the choice between, on the one hand, being President but looking like Jackie Mason and, on the other hand, not being President and looking like himself, which would he pick?
—Can anyone tell me what John Kerry majored in? If he majored in something impractical, like Celtic and Norse studies, his chances of getting a job would be slim, so I might be more inclined to give him a break and vote for him for President.
—Would John Kerry support an amendment to the Constitution that would guarantee monetary compensation to people in focus groups?
—While on the campaign trail, do John Kerry and John Edwards share hair products?
—I know what George Bush thinks about the environment. He’s against it. But where does John Kerry stand? I hate eating out-of-doors; does he?
—The Hokey Pokey. Is John Kerry prepared to go on record as saying that “that’s what it’s all about”?
—Let’s say John Kerry were single. How would he feel if my friend Penny asked him out on a date? How about if she did it now?
—Here is something I must be apprised of or I will not be able to pick a candidate in November: Is it faster to go down Broad Street or take the expressway to get to my polling place? I can’t decide.
—I could also do with some juicy personal details about the other people in this focus group.

Tee hee...

Anyone who knows me already has realized that I am seriously immature at times. Here is reinforcement of that notion: a few days back, in order to avoid a serious accident on Gratiot, I was forced to take Nine Mile to Woodward. As I was finally nearing my destination, I noticed a little, probably abandoned diner in either Ferndale or Hazel Park. In the front window of the place, in white paint written in foot-tall letters was "poop." Definitely understated; someone was in the "less-is-more" mindset, and it totally cracked me up. It made my night!

To top it all off, I returned back to my place via the same route just to see the poop again.

Joy...

The semester starts in 3.5 hours. It's probably not a great idea to be learning whilst hungry or tired. I'll probably wake up just as the class is wrapping up...or on the way home.

100 Things all about me (1-10)

I got this idea from another blog whilst I was looking around. Sounds like a good way to get the creative juices flowing. I'll do ten items at a time.

1. My confirmation name is Cecilia, the patron saint of musicians.
2. Some people claim that my toes are shorter than average.
3. Favorite 31 Flavors ice cream flavor--Baseball Nut and Oreo Cookie (tie.)
4. I love bacon and will probably never tire of it.
5. Favorite holiday-Thanksgiving.
6. Favorite brand of running shoes--Asics.
7. I cried like a baby at the end of the movie "Love Story" and the book.
8. I prefer watching British television. It's 100x smarter than American TV.
9. I consider profanity an artform, as does my sister.
10. I really would like to visit Istanbul and especially see the Hagia Sofia.

What on the agenda for tonight?

Okay, this might be the world's most boring blog post, but I really don't care. I hate moving. I hate packing. I wish I had some friends to help me out, but alas, I am alone. Tonight I shall be removing and packing all the nice, personality pieces from the apartment. This includes the wonderful black panther TV lamp, the "Deer Heaven" lamp, knick-knacks, and anything else that might proove to be a distraction to me within the next few weeks. Pretty soon, my apartment will be almost as boring as those belonging to my neighbors. They are incredibly dull spinster ladies who have lived in the complex for the past several years, and they have absolutely no stuff. Maybe a couch, a few chairs, but on the whole, nothing even remotely enjoyable or interesting. Granted, they are at least 25 years older than me, but if growing old means becoming incredibly dull, count me out. I'd prefer to go out with a bang. One of the ladies in my complex has her entire Beanie Baby collection on display in her front window. Ugh. They are each sealed it's own little Plexiglas box. One would think that if one took all the time and effort to protect the toys from dust and pollution in the environment, one wouldn't have them displayed in DIRECT SUNLIGHT!!!!!

Okay, I'm a bitch today, but please, I have so much material to work with here!

Yep. It's official. I'm a geek.

You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just
because you were disguised as a toy doesn't
mean you weren't educational, you sneaky
bastard.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by

Dammit

I can't believe I just registered for yet another damn accounting class. I've had accounting in high school, college, and again now for this degree. I should be able to test out of it, that is, if I cared about studying 5+ years ago when I was fooling myself into becoming a business major. I remember with horror the term "post closing trial balance" from high school, can't quite remember what it means, though. As far as accounting and paralegal studies, I was told by some of my buds here that a basic knowledge of fractions and decimals is all one really needs. Maybe this will be an easy A? That would be really nice, for a change. I'm also enrolling in "Substantive Law: Torts"--intimidating, hmmm?

This damn move is wearing me out. I arrive back to my place every day, pack a bit, have a beer or something else taking up room in the refrigerator, and fall dead asleep. This is no way to live! I already have fairly certain plans for the weekend: packing, indulging in food taking up freezer space, and frequent "Blackadder" breaks. I recall watching a few episodes in college, but I shall absorb most of the series within the next few weeks.

I'll also be spending my time making trips to the Salvation Army down the street. I really must part with some of my surplus shit. I'm going to miss a few bits of furniture, but in the long run, someday I'll be able to afford real, quality, not-assembled-by-me furniture!

Alas, I must return to work. I really need a vacation. The next work holiday is Thanksgiving! Yow!

Too strange to pass up...

I was definitely born in the wrong generation and country, comedy-wise. How does "The Young Ones" get funnier with each viewing?

"Hey kids, stop snogging and pay attention to me, 'cos if you're a wild-eyed loner standing at the gates of oblivion, then hitch a ride with us because we're on the last freedom moped out of nowhere city and we haven't even told our parents what time we'll be back. So put on your dancing trousers and get down to the total and utter king of rock and roll, Cliff Richard."

What a turd!

It's been almost a year since Luis decided to rid his life of me via email (after which I felt as if 180 pounds of fat had been lifted from my shoulders, not to mention from the passenger seat of my car; no driver's license--what a lump!) He rarely enters into my thoughts, except for when I find one of his resumes under the printer, or when I think of how to describe the ceremonial Chinese robe he left in my car when I place it on eBay. Well, as I was packing up all my belongings last night for the big move, I discovered that he stole my black Prada stocking cap! It's a women's hat for pete's sake!!!

Now that I'm on the subject, I feel like ranting. I bought him a Hebrew Detroit Tiger's baseball cap for his birthday. The embroidery started to fray, he complained, I ordered a replacement, he dumped me via email ("lets be friends, I want to see other people") Argh!!!, then the hat arrived, now it's sitting on the shelf in my closet. I'm going to put in on eBay as well. He never bought me a Hanukkah gift, or a Christmas gift or even a birthday gift, AND HE HAD "DATED" ME FOR OVER TWO YEARS!!!!! How could I have been soooo stupid and so wasteful of time!?!?!? Like I'm going to get ages 24-26 back? Not bloody likely. And to top it all off, he still owes me a few hundred dollars in bail money!!!!!

And now for something completely different...

I had another revelation this past weekend. I really need to start getting my ideas on paper and SOON! I need to move somewhere really happening, culturally speaking. New York or London. I need the dirt, grime, population density and the life! I need museums, plays, and avant garde productions! I feel as if my life is at a standstill. I'll finish the paralegal degree while writing in my more-than-ample spare time. Then things will begin to happen...but they won't start unless I do!

Food Guilt

Last night I was all set for a nice, balanced dinner of leftovers when I was hit by an uncontrollable craving: Taco Bell. Evil, sinister Taco Bell with their hard tacos, greasy, yet oh so tasty seasoned beef, and what I needed most of all in my life (at least at 6:00 last night)--nacho cheese. After finishing my taco and Nachos Bell Grande (sans tomato and sour cream) I felt extremely guilty. Of course I didn't go anything like throw it up (nacho chips on the esophagus--ouch!) but now I'm trying to figure out how to work it in my diet plan. One idea is not eating anything else today, but that isn't an attractive option.

The most perfect day...

Yesterday was, as the title already pointed out, the most perfect day. I woke up to a steady rain and fairly cool temperature; quite relaxing. Then I managed to get out of bed and got dressed semi-unfashionably, then went to Tim Horton's for coffee and Tim Bits. French cruller Tim Bits are the best! Then, as it was still raining and most people were still at home in bed, I stopped at Pete and Franks for fruit. Sale on plums! Yay! Then I returned home, did some dishes, watched portions of the Olympic Marathon, made a bowl of chicken noodle soup, finished watching The Young Ones, took a hot bath, then put on my pajamas and got in bed...and didn't leave until I woke up this morning. Okay, sure I left a few times, but mostly, I just sat propped up in total comfort with a good book and a cup of coffee at my side. Absolute heaven! Not to mention the veal parmesan I heated up for dinner! Delish!

I read from 3:00 until 7:30, starting and finishing Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere." If only more people were able to escape from everything and read--the world would be a much quieter, more intellectual place. Anna Karennina will be started tonight!

Woohoo!

This week I lost another two pounds bringing my total weight loss to NINE POUNDS!! Okay, once I lose all the surplus tonnage, I'll never look like a swimsuit model or even turn a single head, but I'll be healthy and have a lower risk of developing type II diabetes, which is truthfully right around the corner, hereditarilly (sp?) speaking.

I can't believe I've become so damn superficial, but I cannot get enough of my hipbones! And my ribs! Oh Joy!!

I feel like sharing again!

I have returned after a week-long absence. I haven't been on vacation or anything fun like that. I've just been in a crappy mood and nothing (well, almost nothing) seems to be working out for me lately. On the up side: school will be starting soon, so I'll be closer to an actual well-paying career. I've also been reading like a crazed, very literate beast! Just last night I finished Neil Gaiman's "Stardust." It was so nice, it made me happy! That sentence is just one reason why I'm not a book reviewer :) Actually it made me consider being a fairy (or faerie) for Halloween. Now if only someone will be having a party...

Now the down side: I have had zillions of dinner dates with guys who never talk to me again. I know I'm not doing anything wrong. Why won't guys just say "It's been nice, but you're not my type. See ya" instead of disappearing for good and leaving me questioning myself and my manners (which are top shelf.) On the up side of this situation, I have no one hanging around throwing off my routine of getting home at 5:45, watching Friends, eating dinner, talking with the turtle, taking a hot bath, reading, watching a spot of TV and falling asleep by 10:00.

One the up side again, after watching fencing on the Olympics last week, I'm joining Renaissance Fencing Club! It's been a few years since I've fenced, but when I did, I lost sooo much weight really quickly. It just dropped off. I'm officially down seven pounds. Eighteen more to lose by Thanksgiving. I'm talking my mom into serving White Castle stuffing at our family party!

Along with fencing, I really need to learn how to knit soon if I'm going to be competent enough to make scarves for everyone by Christmas. I've got soooo much on my plate right now--who need a boyfriend?!? I'm going to try to keep this attitude going for as long as possible. I'm actually in a good mood for once.

Back to work!

Don't try this at home...

Just a word of warning: NEVER ever combine a leftover lemon pepper catfish (discounted to $.65 at Farmer Jack) with a generous helping of yogurt. Eaten separately at the same meal.

'Scuse me while I vomit.

Yet another first date...

Last night's date with C. was very interesting. First and foremost--he is extremely intelligent and very good looking. We met at Apple Annie's on Gratiot for soup, which was a nice change of pace. I haven't had a good bowl of soup in ages! I met him at 8:00 and we talked and talked until 9:30, when we were kicked out at closing time (well, actually he did most of the talking. I just listened, enraptured.) I'm not going to elaborate any further, for fear of the jinx again. He mentioned something about going to the movies or renting something this weekend...but I'm not holding my breath. I'll probably never hear from his again. Damn pessimism.

Here we go again...

I have yet another first meeting/date tonight. I'll call him C. The previous C. ended up being a gross lump, so he doesn't count, even as an initial. This C. Definitely has a brain and very strong opinions. We've already had arguments, but nothing has been dull, so I'm slightly optimistic. Maybe I need to find an opposite; spice things up.

We're meeting tonight for soup and/or coffee. I'm at the point in this online dating escapade where I really don't care anymore. I have no more nervousness and butterflies anymore, since I've seen everything and met all kinds of oddballs and freaks, with a few positive prospects mixed in the pack. I'm definitely getting jaded. My match.com subscription runs out at the end of October. At that time, I will have been actively searching for Mr. Right online for 13 months. If nothing pans out by then, I'll take a major break and recharge. Maybe I'll concentrate on my paralegal studies, learn how to knit, adopt a few cats, gain forty pounds, and then I'll be totally in Spinsterville. Yeah!

On a happier note, I picked up "Slim in 6" yet again, so hopefully by September 12th, with proper diet and daily ass-burning exercises, I'll be microscopically tiny. I can barely breathe right now thanks to the oblique crunches. The incredible pain I'm experiencing right now better be paying off in the long run. Sure, "no pain no gain" or loss in my case, but I feel like I did in high school--the day after the first track practice of the year. Ben Gay will probably be visiting tonight.

I also hit Costco this past weekend and loaded up on the good, healthy stuff--a 15 pack of Dannon Light & Fit (2 Points each,) Sun-Maid raisin and dried fruit individual assortment packs, frozen stir-fry veggies, salmon, tequila-lime marinated turkey tenderloin, YUM! Good stuff. Mysteriously, certain items also appeared in my cart--Sea salt seasoned pita chips and a log of French goat cheese. Who put those in the cart?!? :) I shall now attempt to have three servings of yogurt every day, lactose intolerance be dammed!!!!! I still have 19 pounds to go before Thanksgiving!!!!!

Under the weather...

I am not feeling very well right now. I've been eating three balanced meals a day, drinking tons of water and tea, plus I take a multi-vitamin every morning. Despite all the precautions I've been taking, I think I'm coming down with a cold. I'm definitely feeling run down. Not good. I feel like going back to my apartment, putting on my "sick pyjamas" and jumping straight into bed. I'm not feeling too tired, but slightly feverish. Maybe before changing and getting into bed, I'd stop at Wong's Garden for a bowl of wonton soup. That's usually my "coping-with-cramps" meal, but it sure sounds good right now. Maybe a grilled cheese sandwich as well.

My energy feels sapped, but that might also be due to the diet. On Sunday I made a tray of Prego's Pasta Bake (8 servings, 6.5 points each) and have been steadily plowing through the servings for lunch, but I'm getting kind of sick of it. Only three more meals left. I should be exercising more, but by the time I get off the bus at 5:45, I'm dragging myself around. Putting on running shoes is a completely foreign concept. I hope to lose another pound by Saturday's weigh-in!

I've also got no plans, dates, or other interesting endeavors for this weekend. This really sucks. Oh boy, I've got a whole weekend to dedicate to cleaning my apartment. yippee.

How does this happen???

It looks like things between myself and T. are not going to happen. Not a peep from him since Thursday night, not even a response to my "I had a great time" email. Dammit!!!

On the up side, I lost 1 pound this week, bringing my total up to 6 pounds!!!!! I'm on my way to skinniness! :)

Date!

I had a date last night withT. Yes, a Thursday night date and it was really great! We met at Ferlito's, a cute family-style Italian place on Mack, at 6:30 and talked nonstop until 10:30. We did find time to eat a bit (I had an antipasto salad, he had eggplant parmesan) but we talked and talked about everything. There were no lulls in the conversation. Yet, I am not sure if he is interested in me. I dressed cute, wore lots of eye makeup, and was completely myself, no pretending.

T. is really sweet and he actually mentioned wanting to someday take a cruise on a ship/tanker/barge traveling down the Detroit River. That almost knocked me out of my seat. I've been saying that for years! We have so much in common but chances are, I'll hear from him once or twice more and then he'll disappear like all the rest. I've got to think positive but everything in the past has fallen to pieces when I get my hopes up.

It's about time I catch a break...maybe I'm being tested; maybe my patience is at some super-human level and this is all a mind-control experiment, something like in the Matrix...hmmm, maybe doctors in a lab somewhere are reading the test results and saying something like "Wow, most others in her situation would've given up by now and accepted their spinster destiny. Deliver the stray cat and sensible shoes to her doorstep immediately, we must find her breaking point." Okay, that's a bit weird. I'm hardly paranoid, but I'm also getting discouraged. After years of horrible, terrible, unreliable, emotionally abusive, unfaithful, thieving and otherwise stinking turds of supposed "boyfriends" I've had in the past, I think I deserve something nice for a change.

All better now...

Mike's email has rolled off me like water on a duck (whatever that expression is.) Last night I had a nice conversation with a new EYF (Eligible Young Fella) who I shall refer to as T. We have so much in common so far! He called me around 9:00 and we talked nonstop until around 11:00, when I had to cut the conversation short because I had to get to sleep and was starting to lose my voice. He seems like a nice guy (well, they all start out that way,) and I'm going to call him tonight to carry on the chat. Yay!

Three weeks late...

After three weeks of silence, I was formally dumped by Mike. He must think I'm really vacant. I've been given the silent treatment zillions of times; I'm not stupid, I know what that means. What a turd...and to think, I was having a great day until now.

Smitten sigh...

Last night I saw "The Manchurian Candidate." Now I'm infatuated with Liev Schreiber. Damn, he could be doing a recitation of the phone book and I'd be riveted. Great movie, by the way. Now I'll have to see the original.

I gotta go!

About an hour ago, a major watermain broke somewhere downtown and now a nice chunk of Detroit is without water...and without air conditioning...and without flushable toilets!!!!!  The Powers That Be will be making the decision to close the building at noon.  I really hope they do.  Just imagine--the main is repaired and in a minute every toilet in a several block radius flushes 
simultaneously!

I wish I had passed on that second cup of tea.

Popularity, thy name is Jen...

Since Friday I have received 13 winks on my Match.com profile.  Damn!  Not to mention all the emails I've been getting.  Granted, most of the guys have been in their 40's with kids and a definite lack of education, but there have been some winners in the mix as well.

It's official--I WILL be 25 pounds lighter by Thanksgiving.  I WILL be thin and trim and awesome looking and everyone will be saying "Is that Jen?  She's been working really hard.  Gee, I wonder if she's single?  Where's she been hiding my whole life?"  Of course, in reality the comments will be something like "Eeww, she looks sick.  She lost all that weight and she's actually boy shaped!  No hips!  Ha ha ha ha."  Hell, having no hips is much better than the alternative.

Also, I have a new love: Buca di Beppo!!!!!  Oh my gawd.  The BEST Italian food on the whole planet.  Maybe the whole galaxy or solar system.  Maybe in the entire whole of existance!!!!!  YUMMMMM!!!

Agony of Defeat...

Well, after years of laughing off the suggestion and aggressively resisting the idea, I will be moving back with my parents.  Back to the wonderful world of Sterling Heights.  Gone will be the days of sitting around on MY couch, watching MY TV, in MY perfect world of solitude.  Of course, I will be looking forward to the days of living rent-free and relatively bill-free.  So, I guess it slightly balances out.  I'll be able to afford full-time grad school and gas in the tank!  I'll miss St. Clair Shores, but mostly just the water.  Now my priority is finding a reasonable self-storage facility to share with Kate.  Her new apartment's balcony isn't big enough for her patio set.

A Legally Blonde Moment...

Wonderful, just wonderful.  The law school idea has been implanted in my brain yet again.  Here's the current scenario: I could finish the paralegal degree in 1.5 years, secure a paralegal position (hopefully in the firm I've been working at for 3+ years,) then find a night program at one of the local law schools, where I would plow through the program in the standard 3 years.  I'd be in my early thirties and would hopefully be successful. 

Of course, this whole plan doesn't include where I'd be living, who'd be paying for the excessive educational costs, where I'd be institutionalized after melting down, etc...  And imagine everyone's surprise when, after I finally graduate, I decide to join the Peace Corps or decide to go back to art school for metalsmithing or something.

Maybe I should get back to the damn novel that's malingering in my mind.  I need some direction.  At least my plans are taking into account my vast, expansive, useless liberal arts background.  I wish I could go back in time, to high school and smack myself around.  I'd beg and plead with my younger self to study harder in science and math.  Spend less time reading Stephen King novels and more time on biology and chemistry.  Then I'd haunt my 18-year-old college self with the same advice, only tagging on the suggestion to drop political science and enroll in more science, math, anatomy and other practical courses that could result in a nursing degree, maybe.  And to party more...make more friends!!!  And not to waste my time on useless, going nowhere guys.  Oh well, too late for all that, I guess.

Fallen Angel Cake

I baked a cake last night for the American Heart Association bake sale, in conjunction with the Butzel summer outing.  The recipe from Weight Watchers  is "Cappuchino Angel Food Cake" but after it baked, and drooped, and ended up with a squishy, spongy, rubbery consistency, I shall refeer to it as "Fallen Angel Cake."
 
Speaking of fallen angels, I'm reading "Good Omens" again.  Does anyone know of a similar type novel with the same awesome humor and extremely engaging characters?  I really should read something else...I just love this book!!!  I just checked: almost 260 people have visited this page--how about a little input!?!?!

This is getting really old...

Well, C. called me on Saturday night, proposing to stop by with drinks.  I was also being spontaneous earlier that night as well by, in lieu of cleaning my apartment, deciding to take a sleeping pill.  I had to turn down his suggestion and he sounded disappointed.  I called him yesterday afternoon (left a message) suggesting that we meet for drinks or something later in the day...I'm still waiting for a response.  I'm trying not to let this bother me.
 
I'll be spending my time tonight baking a cappuchino angel food cake.  MMMmmm!  It's 2 Points per serving and I'm looking forward to using my electric mixer for the very first time!  Yay.  It's for the American Heart Association bake sale we're having at work tomorrow.  Maybe I'll take a walk around the block while it's baking, instead of torturing myself with the smell of baking cake wafting through my apartment.  
  
In other news, a perky, chipper, blonde attorney who left the firm in order to go into practice with her husband has returned to use some of our library materials.  She is sooooo nice and always remembers my name!  Heather is what I am working at becoming someday: thin, with a positive attitude, a child, a successful career and spouse.  I better keep on dreaming.  I'm currently slightly highlighted, 20 lbs. away from being bony thin, 2 years away from the paralegal degree and light years away from the husband and/or child.  *Insert heavy sighhhh here.* 

Grrr...

Okay, I've got guys calling me out of obligation, not of their own free will, others who aren't calling me at all when they said they would, perhaps because my number has been lost or set aside, perhaps because they JUST DON'T CARE, AND to top all things off, I haven't lost a single pound in two weeks. If I plateaued after only six or seven weeks, I will be supremely pissed!

I've gotta start eating more greens, less Goldfish crackers, and maybe running or at least walking once a day. I wonder how many Points the cheeseburger I have planned for dinner tonight will add up to? Maybe I'll have prunes as a side dish...that should balance everything out!!! :)

I'm back in the saddle again...

I'm not wasting any time anymore.  Last night I had a date with a very nice EYF (Eligible Young Fella--Mom saying, our acronym) at Fishbones on Jefferson.  He's a very nice, successful attorney with the same messed-up sense of humour as I have.  We shall now refer to him as C.  I'm forcing myself out of the quagmire of moodiness, surlyness and mild depression.  I'm almost back to "normal."

Which Harry Potter character are you???

Take the quiz: "What Harry Potter Character Are You?"

Hermione Granger
You are Hermione Granger. You are extremly smart, love to read, study, and are the top person in your class!

What am I going to do once I finish the fifth Harry Potter book??? I read number 4 last week and am steadily ploying through number 5. Maybe I'll return to Catch-22, but my mind isn't limber enough for that as of right now.

Lonliness is goodliness

I may be one of those people destined to be alone...and that's not all that bad. I don't have to have a pristine bathroom and bedroom because someone else likes it that way. I don't have to do all my dishes the minute I'm finished eating. I can be an adult with Sea Monkeys living on my kitchen windowsill. I can remain in bed all day, except to leave when nature calls or when pizza arrives. I will rent all the foreign films I never got a chance to see, out of the uncomfortable feeling of watching a movie alone (granted, I rarely have this feeling, but there's "Little Otik" still waiting for me...thanks Luis.)

I've also started writing with full force. According to Jennifer Weiner, one of my all-time favorite authors, she has it all worked out: basically in order to write a kick-ass novel, one needs to have the following: 1. The Unhappy Childhood. 2. The Miserable Love Life. 3. Major in Liberal Arts (but not necessarily creative writing.) 4. Get a Job (not an MFA.) 5. Write to Please Yourself. 6. Get a Dog. 7. Get Published. 8. Find an Agent. 9. Be a Smart Consumer. 10. Read. I have 6 out of 10. Not too shabby. Maybe the turtle and the Sea Monkeys combined can assume the amount of responsibility a puppy requires? Probably not.

Sniff...

It's difficult to write anything when one is depressed.

Welcome to Reality...

Well, it looks like things between M. and myself are pretty much finished, even before anything really started. I'm fairly crushed even though nothing is certain, but for the most part, I'm sure, even though my mind is probably twisted and all is still good for now. I bet he never liked me in a serious way. On Friday we went to see Fahrenheight 9/11 and hung out with his friends. At dinner, we shared an appetizer sampler and we seemed like a beginning-dating couple. After the movie we hung out with some of his friends and had coffee, then afterwards I hung out with him at his house and we talked about everything until 4:00 AM, even though I was in a really shitty mood. Then I crashed on his couch. Seriously, we talked about everything, even things he probably hadn't intended on sharing with me. Then in the morning, he made me coffee and tea As I was leaving, he didn't even want to kiss me goodbye. Maybe it was the fear of coffee breath?

After seeing him for a month, he seems distant and not interested in seeing me. Maybe that's just the way he is, who knows? Maybe he's not a chit-chatty type of guy. I plan on inviting him over to my place this Friday for dinner (I'll cook a turkey or something) and ask him where all this is going, or if he is interested in me at all. After a month, I would like to know if I'm wasting my time. Of course, maybe he's not sure, but I'd like to know if he is at all interested, even a little. To be perfectly honest, he doesn't seem to mind paying for all my meals, drinks and movie tickets, so that's something. Time is precious and I wasted more than my share on Luis--that's for sure. I don't want that to happen again. I'd like to know if I should put away my feelings for M. if they aren't based on a mutual attraction type of thing.

Even if he doesn't want to be anything more than friends, maybe that's just what I need--a friend. I have way too few friends these days and my life is wasting away spent being lonely.

Call me Boney Bones Davis

Follow the instructions below for the genuine thrill that comes with discovering your blues name: From the first list, take the name using the initial of your first name. From the second list, do the same with your middle name. From the third, your surname.

First List:

A=Fat; B=Muddy ; C=Crippled; D=Old; E=Texas; F=Hollerin'; G=Ugly; H=Brown; I=Happy; J=Boney; K=Curly; L=Pretty; M=Jailhouse; N=Peg Leg; O=Red; P=Sleepy; Q=Bald; R=Skinny; S=Blind; T=Big; U=Yella; V=Toothless; W=Screamin'; X=FatBoy; Y=Washboard; Z=Steel-Eye

Second List:

A=Bones; B=Money; C=Harp; D=Legs; E=Eyes; F=Lemon; G=Killer; H=Hips; I=Lips; J=Fingers; K=Boy; L=Liver; M=Gumbo; N=Foot; O=Mama; P=Back;
Q=Duke; R=Dog; S=Bad Boy; T=Baby; U=Chicken; V=Pickles; W=Sugar; X=Cracker; Y=Tooth; Z=Smoke

Third List:

A=Jackson; B=McGee; C=Hopkins; D=Dupree; E=Green; F=Brown; G=Jones; H=Rivers; I=Malone; J=Washington; K=Smith; L=Parker; M=Lee;
N=Thompkins; O=King; P=Bradley; Q=Hawkins; R=Jefferson; S=Davis; T=Franklin; U=White; V=Jenkins; W=Bailey; X=Johnson; Y=Blue; Z=Allison

Pure time-wasting joy at its finest!

Mmmm...Bacon

How do I love thee, Bacon? Let me count the ways. Ordered as a side dish with toast. Ordered as a side dish alone, wrapped unceremoniously in a sheet of aluminum foil. Purchased in one pound increments and cooked until crispy on the George Foreman Grill; fat and drippings saved to use as suet for the birds in the winter. Geez! I have such an incredible craving for this wonder meat!!!

And now for something completely different. This past holiday weekend was quite nice.

Friday--spent with Kate at home. We went shopping at Marshal's, then spilt an appetizer sampler plate at Pizzeria Uno. Fun greasy stuff.
Saturday--Hung out at home for a while, returned to my place, cleaned, ran errands, shopped, watched movies and read.
Sunday--Cleaned house and made Rice Krispie Treats. My friend Penny had a fireworks party, so I introduced M. to everyone. Good food. Deep Fried Turkey!
Monday--Helped M. plant several shrubs in his backyard. Then we had La Shish. Yum! After sweating and getting filthy and dift covered, he said I still smelled nice. Awwww.

Here's me in a nutshell

According to the Meyers-Brigs personality test, I'm a INFP.

INTROVERTED-Applies to the way we interact with the world. Introverts are people whose thoughts and ideas are drawn inward. This type scan the external environment and make evaluations based on their inner ideas and mental concepts. They derive their energies from these inner ideas. It is important for them to take time to study and reflect on a subject to get the right idea, before taking action. This type is able to grasp and accept a moral principle in its abstract form. Introverts are territorial and desire space. They draw their energies from activities where they can be alone to meditate or activities that require few people. Introverts can experience a sense of loneliness when they are in a crowd. Some are the most alone when surrounded by people, especially strangers. This type can enjoy being around people, but it can drain their energies. They need to find quiet places and solitary activities where they can meditate and recharge. Many introverts achieve the ability to extravert, but they never become extraverts. Introverts enjoy their private time, and if this is easily invaded, they learn to develop a high level of concentration so as to shut out the external world. Many view them as great listeners, but they may view others as taking advantage of this. They may have problems expressing themselves and are sometimes labeled by others as shy. Many times they will have to rehearse things before they say them. This type may wish to get their ideas out more forcefully and like to state their thoughts and feelings without interruption. They resent ones that blurt out something they were just about to say.

INTUITIVE-Applies to the way we take in information. Intuitive types look for the possibilities in life. What is possible is always in front of them, pulling at them like a magnet. Intuitive types are attracted to fantasy, fiction, and the future. They may enjoy figuring out how things work just for the sheer pleasure of doing so. This type is attracted to pun and word games. They are masters at metaphors and similes. Intuitive tends to think of several things at once and because of this are sometimes labeled as absentminded. This type likes to look at the big picture. They try to read between the lines, not accepting things at face value. Intuitive types tend to trust their hunch, their gut feeling, and this usually prove right, since they are highly in tune with their intuitive powers, their sixth sense. They are creative and imaginative, but are sometimes viewed as dreamers.

FEELING-Applies to the way we come to decisions. Feeling types make decisions based on how others feel. They are empathetic and sympathetic to others needs. This type puts themselves out for others, putting others needs above those of their own. Feeling types value and almost insist on others living in harmony. They will avoid conflict at all cost. This type tries to please others. They will take a comment back if they say something that offends someone else. Feeling types are usually friendly, tactful, and enjoy contributing to the welfare of others. They are personable, being more interested in people than in things.

PERCEPTIVE-Applies to the way we structure our lives. Perceptive types put much value on the open ended. They do not like to come to a conclusion unless forced to and then may still be uncomfortable with its closure. Being aware of how many factors are involved and how much is still unknown, they are terrified at making a rash decision. They hope they can solve a problem simply by understanding it better, by seeing it from all sides and eventually being able to see the thing to do. They love to explore the unknown. They don't like to be pinned down, to plan a task, to make definite statements. They prefer to be spontaneous, to live for the moment. They like to make-work fun or they lose interest in it. They don't believe in deadlines, but use them instead as alarm clocks allowing them to pick up spurts of energy at the last minute and accomplish the task. In conversations they can jump from subject to subject, depending on whatever enters their mind, or whatever enters the room.

PERSONALITY PROFILES

INFPs-live their lives focusing on their values. They know what is important to them and protect this at all cost. Their values focus on the optimistic verses the pessimistic, although they are often conscience of the negative. To understand the INFP is to understand their cause. They can work tirelessly toward a cause that deems worthy. They will quietly let others know what is important to them, and rarely will they give up on their purpose. They will go along with the crowd, sometimes even letting decisions be made for them, until someone violates their value system. Then they will dig their heels into the ground and will speak up for their feelings, insisting their values be followed.

INFPs are withdrawn and are sometimes hard to get to know. Some may view them as shy. But those that take the time to get to know them will find them warm and gentle, with a surprising sense of humor. They care deeply for those they consider special friends. Putting forth-unusual sacrifices to help such individuals. They often have a subtle, tragic motif running through their lives -- inner pain and unease which others seldom detect.

INFPs are creative and are constantly seeking out new possibilities. They have a gift with language and usually will express this by means of writing. Their intuitive preference supplies the imagination and their feeling preference giving them the need to communicate. They are gifted at interpreting symbols - being drawn to metaphors and similes. Because of these gifts they often write in lyric fashion
INFPs work must be more than just a paycheck, it must be fun and must contribute to something that is important to their values. To be the most productive they need a sense of purpose behind their job. They often have to look at the large picture in order to see how specific programs fit in. They are adaptable to changes and to new ideas. They work well with others being conscience of others feelings and relating with most, though not always vocally. They like to work with others who are cooperative and who share their same set of values. They strive for harmony and dislike conflict.

INFPs treasure their privacy and may keep a lot to themselves. They need time and space for reflection. Others usually get along well with them, although they may not know them intimately. INFPs may not always be organized. They may tend to lose things or to forget appointments. Only when they see the importance of organization in a task will they strive to work at it in an organized way to get it done. They can be extremely patient with complicated issues, but may become impatient with routine and details.

INFPs strive for perfection, and this is especially the case when using their feeling preference. They may have trouble finishing a project, because they never find it is good enough. Even when the project must be finished, they may feel the need to go back and improve on it later.

Reluctantly INFPs may accept leadership roles. They lead with their values being their guide. They do not aggressively lead people, but rather work with people to develop their talents and to independently achieve their goals. They have a hard time criticizing others, but will try to motivate them by their appreciation and praise. When conflicts arise, they avoid directly approaching the situation, but would rather wait for the others to work out the situation themselves.

INFPs view leisure activity as very important. However they may have a difficulty separating it from work. If they have a special skill they use at work, they may use this skill in their leisure time to help friends, family or those in need. When they are interested in pursuing a new leisure activity, they may spend a great deal of time researching this activity. Many INFPs enjoy activities that are done alone such as reading, listening to music, or gardening. This gives them the opportunity for reflection and meditation. They may also enjoy social activities with those they feel close to. When they want to be social they can be outgoing, charming and quiet funny, making them a pleasure to have around.

INFPs present a calm and pleasant face to the world around them. Because they are reserved, they may be over looked. But to those that know them they have a view into their warmth and concern and their deep commitments to their values.



OCCUPATIONAL CHOICES

Actor

Artist

Architect

Church Worker

College Professor: Humanities/Art

Counselor

Editor

Educational Consultant

Employment Development Specialist

English Teacher

Fine Arts Teacher

Human Resources Development Specialist

Journalist

Librarian

Minister/Priest

Missionary

Musician

Psychiatry

Psychologist

Religious Educator

Researcher

Social Scientist

Social Worker

Speech Pathologist

Writer: poet/Novelist


STRENGTHS:

They can do a good job of blending production with compassion for the work force. They enjoy giving freedom for each to develop according to their own personality and are willing to give commendation and have a listening ear for new ideas. They are able to communicate well with others on a one to one basis.


They are intellectually astute, competent, and enriched with idealism.


They have a high need to be of service to others. They enjoy working toward causes they believe in.


They work well alone, and are faithful to their duties and obligations.


WEAKNESSES:

When the workplace becomes negative, they may become restless. They can have mood swings between stubbornness and criticism. This is uncharacteristic of their nature and is an indicator of stress.


They are perfectionists. They may be self-critical. They feel there is never enough time to do the job right. They must recognize when to quit, and live with a less than perfect product. They also must realize that others will never fully meet up to their expectations.


They may become discouraged if their work is not geared toward something they believe in. They want control of their projects, and if they lose control they can lose interest.


They may have trouble working in a competitive environment.


They may become unrealistic when planning a project. They may become inflexible when requested to change some of their ideas.



CAREER NEEDS

They need work that allows them to express their vision, and lets them work within their own set of values and beliefs.


They need work that gives them control over the product and the process of creating it, allowing them time to fully develop their ideas


They need work that gives them a private space and uninterrupted time, but allows them from time to time to meet with ones they respect, and bounce their ideas off them.


They need work that gives them a flexible schedule, with no restraint to rules and regulations, and allows them to work as they feel inspired.


They need work that is done in a tension free environment, with other creative caring individuals.


They need work that let them be original, and that encourages personal growth and rewards it.


They need work that gives them time to do the best possible job, and that doesn't call for them to do presentations of their ideas before large crowds.


They need work that lets them help others to learn how to grow and develop their full potential.


They need work that allows them to develop deep one to one relationships with people, letting them understand others and discover what makes them tick.


They need work that allows them to fulfill their ideas, without being limited by money, time, or other obstacles.



IN THE WORKPLACE

INFPs enjoy working alone, treasuring the opportunity for contemplation. They enjoy variety in whatever they do. They enjoy taking on new projects and activities, but have a tendency to take on too many things at once. They get a sense of satisfaction from the fact that nothing is constant, which means they can positively influence a cause in a positive or constructive way.

INFPs are loyal and industrious team players. They work hard to achieve team harmony and make their work meaningful. They are encouraged from approval from others, but when criticized they may be deeply hurt, taking such criticism personally.

INFPs can be powerful leaders when dealing with people and drawing people together to achieve their purpose.

INFPs lead with people in mind. They look to the individual growth and development and will look for a way to encourage and support such growth. They may tend to relate with a few special people, being drawn to their causes and goals. They quietly encourage these individuals to achieve whatever they set out to do.

INFPs manage in a very quiet unassuming way, getting personally involved with individuals within the organization. They are at their best dealing with people, drawing out their outstanding qualities. They are naturally tuned into the motivations and emotions of others, having a gift at understanding individual differences.

Because INFPs are focused in on people's emotions and motivations, they become aware of and get involved in their co-workers personal problems. They may feel obligated at resolving disagreements and conflicts among employees, trying to create an atmosphere of harmony. INFPs listen carefully and intently to others, giving them individual attentions and responding with the proper feedback for the needed situation. They masterfully show appreciation and give praise when they find the appropriate opportunity. they direct their praise toward human accomplishment. They are alert to individual potential and look for ways to help individuals meet that potential.