Tuesday, November 23, 2004

More blah...

Today I saw Mr. Former-Workplace-Crush and yes, the word "former" is now part of his title. I didn't turn red or develop that stupid nervous laugh when speaking with him. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if the crush wore off on it's own, or if I'm in such a low mood that I convinced myself that nothing good is ever going to happen to me. I'm always like this during the holidays. I'm completely alone; hearing jewelry commercials on the radio and seeing nice young couples walking around holding hands just makes me ache. I saw tons of nice, happy couples walking around Birmingham last night. I have to admit, this seasonal depression has set in earlier than usual. It was a shittier year than usual, that's for sure.

I've lost a total of 18 pounds so far, so my Thanksgiving goal wasn't completely given up on, unlike all the other goals of years past. Everyone at work is now noticing how different I look, and I'm really getting uncomfortable. For nearly 27 years, I've done everything in my power to blend in with the crowd. Everything I own is black (of course, everything always matches!) but I'm now being singled out. It is amusing but still creepy. I've definitely lost the most weight in my face, stomach, and back. My hair is getting longer and I'm still highlighting it, so maybe I'm subconsciously wanting to be noticed. After so many years of avoiding attention, maybe things will begin to change.

Best weight loss quote I've been told so far: "Why you losin' weight? Only a dog wants a bone!"

I really need something to change. This is the deepest rut I've ever been stuck in.

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