Why Can't I Catch a Break? Part 7623 or My Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Life

Yesterday afternoon I spoke with an Air Force recruiter...and was instantly disqualified for any kind of military service. Why, one might ask? Because I had used an asthma inhaler (even once) since the age of 12. Okay, after thinking it over, this is a good reason to be disqualified, but I use the damn inhaler maybe a few times a year and am not dependent on it. I don't use it every day or every week or even every month. I don't take it with me during a run. Usually it sits in the drawer of my bedside table and I find it a few times a year while cleaning. I use it in the winter mostly and only when completely necessary.

So now, I'm lost again. As usual.

Today hasn't been the most spectacular day. I needed a cup of coffee, couldn't locate my travel mug, somehow located a few bucks and made my way to Tim Horton's. Ended up spilling coffee on my crotch. Then, after finishing the coffee I "rolled up the rim to win" and didn't win anything. As usual. If I had won even a single Tim Bit, my day would be all sunshine and flowers and rainbows. But I didn't win anything.

So now I'm probably sterile or infertile.

Of course, I'm probably not. TMI Alert: As of yesterday afternoon I am profoundly not pregnant. Of course there was a 100% chance of that, but I got to wondering...within the last month I had been X-rayed, CAT-scanned and injected with dye, exposed to tons of sick people, a fair amount of alcohol and other secondhand substances. If I had been pregnant, what would that fetus be like? In eight months would I be holding the child and thinking "Well, he's got my eyes and my nose...and The Incredible Hulk's greeninsh hue and muscle tone?"

Sigh.