Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Why Can't I Catch a Break? Part 7623 or My Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Life

Yesterday afternoon I spoke with an Air Force recruiter...and was instantly disqualified for any kind of military service. Why, one might ask? Because I had used an asthma inhaler (even once) since the age of 12. Okay, after thinking it over, this is a good reason to be disqualified, but I use the damn inhaler maybe a few times a year and am not dependent on it. I don't use it every day or every week or even every month. I don't take it with me during a run. Usually it sits in the drawer of my bedside table and I find it a few times a year while cleaning. I use it in the winter mostly and only when completely necessary.

So now, I'm lost again. As usual.

Today hasn't been the most spectacular day. I needed a cup of coffee, couldn't locate my travel mug, somehow located a few bucks and made my way to Tim Horton's. Ended up spilling coffee on my crotch. Then, after finishing the coffee I "rolled up the rim to win" and didn't win anything. As usual. If I had won even a single Tim Bit, my day would be all sunshine and flowers and rainbows. But I didn't win anything.

So now I'm probably sterile or infertile.

Of course, I'm probably not. TMI Alert: As of yesterday afternoon I am profoundly not pregnant. Of course there was a 100% chance of that, but I got to wondering...within the last month I had been X-rayed, CAT-scanned and injected with dye, exposed to tons of sick people, a fair amount of alcohol and other secondhand substances. If I had been pregnant, what would that fetus be like? In eight months would I be holding the child and thinking "Well, he's got my eyes and my nose...and The Incredible Hulk's greeninsh hue and muscle tone?"



Vavoom said...

Hang in there, Jen. I've found that two things drive people, inspiration or desperation. To be in either place in life isn't so bad as long as it gets you going. Everyone, at some time or another, feels lost. The trick is, you are never lost. Sometimes I place too much emphasis on who I am through what I am doing. In all truth, who we are is *not* a function of what we are doing. Finding oneself has little to do with occupation. Sorry if this all sounds preachy... that's not my intention.

Another thought --to quote George Harrison, "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there."

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