Friday, April 01, 2005

80 Days...

After the events of the past few weeks and after going to bed before 8:00 for the past few days, I think the minor funk/depressive state I fell into is finally lifting. Maybe everything really is a learning experience. Here is a list of things I have learned recently:

1. Don't go out with married guys with tons of baggage, especially if they secretly have no plans to ever see you again.
2. Don't pay too much attention to the plight of people in persistent vegetative states; it will just make your own semi-vegetative state less enjoyable.
3. Don't spend too much time watching "Fight Club" even though it is one of the greatest movies of all time. It will mess with the head during the difficult times. Just skipping to the last scenes is completely acceptable, though.
4. Don't use the weekly Loreal Preference haircolor protectant/deep conditioner on weekdays. Your hair will look slightly greasy all day.
5. Don't listen to Aimee Mann's "Save Me" over and over and over. It's just not a good idea. You've just got to save yourself!
6. Don't spend an entire day thinking about ways to make a difference in the world, unless you're really serious about it.

#6 is where I am stuck right now. #6 is the Air Force idea that has been rattling around in my brain for several years now...and I will come to a decision about it in exactly 80 days. I'm turning 28 on June 20th, exactly 80 days from now, and after tons of soul searching and getting my ass in shape will I make up my mind.

So far here are the pros:
1. I am single.
2. I have no children.
3. I have no felonies.
4. Other than family, I have no major ties to the area.
5. I'm afflicted by wanderlust.
6. I'm looking to pare down my possessions.
7. I don't have serious issues with authority.
8. I love wearing snappy uniforms.
9. I love men in snappy uniforms.
10. I won't have to cut off all my hair!
11. There is a 95% chance I won't get sent to Iraq.
12. I have two completed degrees and easily qualify for the officer program.
13. I won't be leaving behind a beloved job.

My cons are yet to come, although my parents felt like sharing their #1 concern/qualm: There will be no crying allowed. Everyone--feel free to share your opinions!

Also, note to the Detroit readers who watch Channel 4 news. I was interviewed this afternoon in front of St. Florian's in Hamtramck. I don't normally exhibit any spazzy tics or stutters, they just surface when I'm on camera.

P.S. This isn't an April Fools post. I'm dead serious about becoming an officer in the Air Force. I'm talking with a recruiter tomorrow!


Vavoom said...

Sounds like you've got lots going for you. Aim high into the wild blue yonder!

Julie said...

How have all the tests on the health issues come out? Ok, I assume, as you're talking to a recruiter? Can you give your dear readers some more details?

And poop on married guys.

ago-go said...

yeah, i'm wondering too about the health been feeling ok?