I am in competition with my theoretical doppelganger. Yes, that's correct. I made the mistake of reading about parallel universes and dimensions all that jazz and now I'm trying to one-up my twin. What if I'm actually the evil one (like Cartman on that episode of South Park) and the other me is living my perfect life? She's successful and happy and this messed up thought would never enter into her pretty, well-coiffed head. I should name her--Hortensia. That's my official teratoma name and since it's definitely in the twin family (yeah, it's a stretch) it should work.
Imagine if she's sitting at an old, nasty desk in a bland office wondering what the hell went wrong right about now. Wouldn't that be a cosmic kick in the ass?