Farewell, again...

Yet again, things are not so wonderful in my life, so I'm taking another blogging sabbatical. I may return sometime in August. I hope to be able to take my vacation next week, but everything is still up in the air. I also hope to find a job and be gainfully employed by the end of August, but things need to start happening soon.

Until later,

Jen

This is not good...

This afternoon, I experienced my first serious agrophobic panic attack in years while driving to a fairly unfamiliar shopping mall. This is seriously bad. Lately, I've taken to spending all my time either at home or no more than five miles away. Today's incident involved an acute sensation of dread, chills and a racing heartbeat. Luckily, it lasted only fifteen minutes or so, but it was extremely distressing. I don't want to be medicated like I was in the past. I had a prescription for Wellbutrin about eight years ago and it didn't do much, except maybe decrease my appetite. I don't feel like dealing with this right now. So, like the loner hermit I've become, I'm taking my banana bread out of the oven right now and returning to Harry Potter.

How will I die UPDATE

After this evening's eating escapade, I've decided that I'll probably meet my end thanks to an overdose of Coney Island chili. The #1 ingredient is beef heart. Ingredient #2 is beef suet. Do I care? Hells no!

At our little party, I took in the following:
--One hamburger covered with aforementioned chili
--Even more chili, then a bit more
--Hamburger bun
--Pasta salad with pepperoni
--Two light beers
--One regular beer
--baked beans
--Jello
--Apple pie with carmel, cashews, peanuts and pecans
--Doritos
--Jager shot

If it weren't for the fact that I enjoy keeping my food on the inside, this would be a good time to explore alternative options for digestion or the lack thereof.

Challenges...

I'm all about challenging myself these days. I set up yet another blog recently dedicated to reading a book a week. Check it out. I just started on the new Harry Potter book, and may stay up all night reading. Hell, there are worse things to be doing...like staying up really late watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force and eating Slim Jims...not that I know anyone who would do something quite that horrifying and wrong.

Which brings me to yet another challenge: I'm going vegetarian on August 1st. I'll try sticking to an ovo-lacto-pesci diet, which means I'll be getting friendly with egg salad and tuna fish. It's really not for any animal rights issues, although I do feel rotten about eating animals which mate for life (ducks, geese) or have migratory instincts (geese [and salmon which I will eat occasionally because of the Omega-3 fatty acids...and the fact that they are tasty]) or have survival instincts (there was a bull that escaped from a slaughterhouse in Detroit a year or so ago. He was the lead 5:00 news story. He was later caught, yet rescued and is currently living out his remaining years in pasture.) I don't feel sorry for the following animals but will still avoid eating them: chickens, turkeys, goats and sheep. And from now on, until I die or have my mind changed otherwise, I will NEVER eat octopus. They are one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet.

So, for the next few weeks I'll need to get my fill of kielbasa, hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken and ribs. We'll see how long I can stick to this challenge.

Damn, I just answered the questions truthfully...

Disappear 93% Suicide 73% Accident 67% Bomb 60% Eaten 53% Suffocated 53% Drowning 53% Gunshot 40% Natural Causes 40% Disease 40% Stabbed 33% Posion 33% Cut Throat 20% How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com

Footsie HNT...

I call this selection "Propped-Up Feet or Lazy Afternoon."

Questions...

here are the instructions:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions -- each person's will be different.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here are the questions I was asked:

1) you have to power to look like anyone on earth (male or female). who do you choose to look like and why?
If I could I would look like myself, only five inches taller (weight would remain the same.) If I had to pick someone else, I'd choose Audrey Hepburn circa Roman Holiday. She had the best eyebrows!

2) you are forced to live somewhere else other than the United States. where do you move?
Iceland. I dig the geothermal heat thang.

3) you are an exotic dancer. what is your gimmick, look, and theme song?
Gimmick: the fact that I'm oddly double-jointed. Sorry, no pole :) Just the bendy stuff.
Look: probably naughty schoolgirl. I still have the uniform skirts in storage. Or kitten with a whip, but I'd probably pull off schoolgirl a bit easier.
Theme song: maybe "Brand New Key" by Melanie (Rollergirl's song in Boogie Nights) or maybe "Oops, I did it again," but that's not really original. Actually, "Lullaby" by The Cure has a great taking-off-one's-clothing beat; great for the kitten look.

4) everyone has a 'nightmare boyfriend/girlfriend'. describe yours.This guy exists. I no longer associate with the bastard for obvious reasons. Here he was in stream-of-consciousness format: Black socks, squeaky clean white shoes (kept clean with white shoe polish,) white shorts, long black shirt tucked in and bloused out; pathetic Napoleon complex, die hard Star Trek fan, super-rabid-ultra-Nazi conservative Republican. Also he used to pretend to dance with his dogs, but it looked like he was into bestiality. I was too young it realize it at the time, but he was fairly abusive as well in many different ways. I should've been smart enough to see through his bullshit, but oh well, chalk it up to a learning experience.

5) you are privy to information indicating that the world is going to end in a week. you are the only one on earth who knows and can't do anything to stop it. what do you do for that week and do you tell anyone else? and why?I'd do everything I always wish I could. I'd travel as much as I could, summon up the nerve to find the attorney I was seriously crushing on (for three years solid) and ask him out to dinner (or at least drinks or coffee,) and wrangle up my extended family for an impromptu family reunion. If I told everyone the truth about what was about to happen, everyone would assume I was crazier than usual and probably ignore the warning.

Yippee!

I just booked my Las Vegas vacation!!! Heatstroke, here I come! Seriously, everyone in my family has been there and I've been given tons of suggestions; do any of y'all have any ideas and/or helpful hints? I need something to do other than tour the Liberace Museum :}

So, in the next few weeks, I need to the following:
--Drop 20 pounds (yeah, right.)
--Learn how to play blackjack and poker
--get a tan so I won't sizzle in the sun, as I am currently the whitest person in the country.

I have already:
--purchased a new purse that doubles as carry-on luggage (big enough for a few books, yet NOT touristy.)
--Purchased a cute sundress from Victoria's Secret. It's little, it's black, it's a dress, but it's not a "little black dress." It's more of a shorts-free day option.
-Decided to eat at a bufet only once and for the budget's sake, make the remainder of my meals coffee-based.

Also, for reasons that continue to baffle me, my mom warned me about prostitution.
MOM: "You know Jen, the city is called 'sin-city' for a reason."
JEN: "Uh, thanks mom but I'm not planning on picking up any hookers."

What the hell?

Don't call me Shirley...

I just finished watching Airplane for probably the 50th time, and it never gets old! Never! Even watching it on AMC with commercials every 10 minutes was more than do-able. If I ever really hit rock bottom, I'd make a point to watch the movie all day long. It would set me back on the right path again.

Since I haven't quite hit bottom yet, I'm spending my time watching Bon Voyage starring Gérard Depardieu. There's nothing better than subtitled films set in France during WWII involving heavy water (D2O.) Deuterium is such a blockbuster isotope; I don't think its Hollywood potential has been adequately explored.

One step forwards, two steps back...

I'm trying to be a normal adult, well-adjusted, non-socially retarded and/or awkward but in reality I am the biggest geek in the world. Today during a break from my unsuccessful online job searching, I did a "normal" 28-year-old female kinda thang: I designed my dream engagement ring at www.adiamondisforever.com (in case you're wondering, I'm infatuated with a platinum or white gold solitaire with a 2 CT. emerald-cut center stone. No side stones.) Then I got to thinking about where I was before college. I was seriously considering studying entomology at Michigan State, but decided on Central Michigan University for petro-geology (seriously.) Obviously, the petro-sciences lost their charm quickly and I was thrust into the bosom of the liberal arts...But imagine if I went with the entomology idea (yes, everyone who knows me, it was inspired by the Silence of the Lambs--"Is that a seed pod? No sir, that's a bug cocoon.") Well, one thing led to another, and now I REALLY NEED THIS:

One can also purchase a LED light-up base separately. My God, that is the mack-daddy of all ant farms. It was designed by NASA, the blue gel acts as food, hydration, and a place to live and dig. I want it! I need it! I must have it! Being the uber geek that I am, it's an essential for my existence.

Nalf-Nekkid Thursday...

This week's Half-Nekkid Thursday submission: part of my arm, a wee bit-o-chest, a peek of cheek and my new dark hair. 

Identity crisis...

I was just goofing around on Target.com, looking up wedding registries for people I dislike (who won't be getting anything from me, of course) when I thought "gee, I wonder if there's anyone with my name getting married" and yes indeedy, someone with my exact name got hitched to a guy named Andrew on June 25th...in Michigan. I was fairly certain that I was the only Jennifer with my peculiar last name in Michigan. I guess I was wrong. Hopefully, she'll be taking his last name.

If I do ever find Mr. Wonderful and get married, there are only a few items I'll definitely register for. These include:
A lime green Kitchenaid Mixer and a Wusthof knife block (with knives.)

Baby, I'm money!

My parents have dubbed my period of unemployment as "The Summer of Jen" ala George on Seinfeld. As part of this sabbatical, I've decided to take a real, honest-to-God vacation to Las Vegas at the end of this month. I just checked on the temp: 103 degrees--I can hardly wait!!!!! I'm not much into gambling; Detroit has casinos and I've lost about $50 within the past few years. No big whoop. I'm also not much into shows (sorry Celine Dion,) but I'd be interested in seeing Circ de Soleil. Mabye I can wander onto a crime scene straight outta CSI.

Vegas Baby!

I am what I am...

and I'm no longer a blonde. I've devided to go back to my roots, and if memory serves, those roots should be dark brown. I've been messing with my hair for almost a decade, starting my freshman year in college when I first discovered Manic Panic. I spent a few LONG weeks with Vampire Red (I think that's the shade) locks. Then I'd been swinging back and forth between reddish/strawberry blonde to violently Debbby Harry Blonde to "Lets try something completely different" eggplant purplish-red-brown, after which I freaked out and personally stripped my own hair and went back to blonde. Then, when I was flushed with funds, I would sometimes pay for highlights. I'm amazed it hasn't all fallen out.

I did the big color-change myself (quite poorly, might I add; brown on top of blonde isn't always pretty) and decided that I really need a professional color correction, so on Tuesday afternoon, with the assistance of John K., I will hopefully leave the salon with a lovely dark nut brown shade. Maybe I'll also pop for an eyebrow arching. I take care of upper-lip 'stash matters on my own; I don't trust myself with the brows.