Yesterday evening I made my monthly sojourn to the movies to finally see "The 40-Year-Old-Virgin." I believe that the parts of the movie I was completely able to concentrate on totally rocked. Needless to say, something went wrong. Something always goes wrong.
Before the movie started, I grabbed my book and hung around a local strip-mall coffee shop. Just me and my book, not bothering anyone. I didn't notice anyone and wasn't trying to be noticed, but unfortunately I was wearing my new, very red cardigan which went soooo well with the 60 degree temps we've had recently.
Upon entering the theatre (which was a bit smaller than usual since the movie had been out for weeks already) I found a seat away from most of the moviegoers, sat and began reading again (hey, it's what I do!) Then a non-descript, youngish-looking guy asks me what I was reading, (a just-okay werewolf novel) then said he saw me at the coffee place and was going to talk to me but got nervous. I, not being used to talking to people, didn't say anything. Then he moves to sit right next to me and I discover that he smells like a mixture of unwashed hair, dirty clothes and coffee breath. He then goes on to tell me what he's reading at home, and that he doesn't read much and couldn't "get" the Da Vinci Code. Ummm, okay. He asks me what I do, I say I'm in between jobs and he goes on and on and on and on about his construction job. I listen politely and my ears slightly perk up when he says he's looking to go back to school. For what? Truck drivers training. Apparently, it's a family tradition.
Finally the previews begin and I LOVE previews...BUT HE WON'T STOP YAMMERING! He asked me if I saw Transporter II, to which I answered I hadn't heard of the first Transporter movie. I was being polite and cordial, but he wouldn't get the hint that I wanted him to shut up and go away. Then a preview with Jim Carrey is shown and the guy says he's his favorite actor. Trying to be nice and agreeable, I said I enjoyed "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" which, of course, he didn't understand.
Finally the movie started and I somehow became one with the side of my chair and armrest farthest away from the guy, who, for reasons I shall never be able to understand, kept offering me sips of his pop. Ugh, gross. And he had an unfiltered sense of humor. Subtle humor and real gross-out humor got the same barking, belly-laugh.
For approximately 1.5 hours, I was partially paying attention to the movie but mostly thinking about when I should leave the theater under the guise of a potty break and not return. Yet, the nice girl prevailed and I watched the rest of the movie, which was extremely funny. I'll have to go see it again when I can be guaranteed I'll be left alone.
As the movie ended, he followed me out and forced his number on me. I didn't have a pen (damn, yeah right.) so he made sure I put the number directly into my phone and call him so he'd have my number. He backed me into the wall and watched as I entered all the numbers correctly. I got his number and quickly disappeared into the crowd. He will not be getting a call from me.
Okay, some might think I was being an antisocial bitch, but I got such a creepy vibe from this guy it wasn't even funny. I still have the creeps from the guy. I'm beginning to think he followed me from the coffee place. Why can't I meet a nice, Woody Allen fan??? A nice guy who wouldn't even think of sharing pop with a total stranger.