Holy shat, how did I get so fat???

Like every national and religious holiday, this afternoonI ate way too much. I feel ill. Did I really need a cheeseburger w/ a bun, corn on the cob, pasta salad, lettuce salad w/ thousand island, chips, pretzels, strawberry shortcake, and two non-light beers? It's not even 6:00 and I've probably got room for something else. I'm not counting the cold pizza I ate for breakfast. This has got to stop!

As of Tuesday morning, I shall try YET ANOTHER DIET. This time it will be the 'Candida diet'--nothing to do with Voltaire, believe me. The list of acceptable foods is as follows:

--High fiber low starch vegetables such as: broccoli, celery, radish and asparagus. Plenty of fresh steamed veggies: especially onions, garlic, ginger root, cabbage and broccoli. Onions and garlic are very good anti-fungals.

--High protein foods such as: antibiotic free fish, fowl, nuts, seeds and eggs.
10% complex carbohydrate; rice, beans, millet, amaranth, quinoa and buckwheat.

--Fruit: papaya, pineapple, grapefruit and all types of berries. Other acceptable foods are sea foods and sea veggies, olive oil, eggs, mayonnaise, white rice, soy and vegetable pastas, white rice cake and crackers, some citrus fruit, herb teas and unsweetened cranberry juice.

Maybe I'll start tracking my (hopeful) weight loss weekly on this 'blog. Kate has been doing this diet since December and has shed 15 lbs.

Light Reading

Even though I have a ton of legal reading to plow through within the next few weeks, I still need to free my mind with a good book. My apartment has about 1000 cheap paperbacks and some decent hardcovers, but I still keep returning to an old love: "Good Omens." It's this great novel written by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett all about a supremely awesome Demon named Crowley, an angel, the Antichrist, and the days leading to the end of the world.

The first time I read it was in 9th grade and I was in the process of getting a really horrible spiral perm at the time, so I missed out on some of the nuances in the story. Getting the skin burned off one's neck is always a distraction. I stumbled upon in again at a used book store in East Lansing, whilst visiting my sister at State. Since that time, I've read it about 7 times, and counting. Even my sister has read it, and she's usually too busy to do anything but work. She purchased a newer edition because she claims the smell of mass-market paperbacks turns her stomach.

Grammar Counts!

This is a profile of a guy who winked at me on Match.com, untouched and in all it's glory. Along with the fact that he probably hasn't yet finished high school and has a child, his grammar is a total turn off:

"i'm vary outgoing. looking for long lasting ralationship. who injoys the same intersit i do. no short ralitionship.im vary funney. my deam date wold be at the water front with wine waching the sun set and talking for hours. so try me and you wont be dispointment"

Um...okay.

Communication Issues

After an email yesterday afternoon, it looks like I'll be speaking to my new Match.com, object-of-my-affection de jour, Mike for the first time tomorrow night. I'm both excited and nervous. Of course, I'm plagued with all the "what if's..." and I'm prepared for disappointment, but he seems genuinely sweet in his emails. I've been disappointed with Match.com EYF's four times now. All seemed like decent guys with potential...then things go wrong and I realize they're idiots. Hell, maybe it could work this time. We do have tons in common and he's interested in the works of Leonard Cohen--that certaintly doesn't hurt.

Attention Book-Nappers

This is an email I'm mailing to all the attorneys in the Detroit office of my firm tomorrow morning. We have a little problem...

It has come to my attention that the library shelves are getting a little bare. Maybe the books are sprouting legs and running away. Maybe some attorneys are snatching certain popular titles and hiding them away in their offices for personal use. Perhaps someone (I'm not naming any names, of course) likes to read a page or two of Martin, Dean and Webster volume 2.100 in the lavatory at home. Whatever the cause, who knows, I don't care. The only thing for certain--we need these missing books to be returned.

"What can I do to help restore the library to it's original full-shelved splendor???", you may ask. It's simple. On Friday morning before 10:00, leave any library books that may have wandered into your office outside your door. I'll pick them up and take note of who contributed. One of these names will be picked at random after the collection is compete and the winner will receive a souvenir (of the fermented molasses or sugar cane variety) from Candace's upcoming Grand Cayman vacation trip.

Thanks for your support,

Jennifer

Hello Everybody

Although I sincerely doubt anyone will ever read this, welcome to "Jen's Little Corner"--yeah, it's a dumb name, but it's all that arrived in my mind on this uninspired Wednesday morning. I'll post something more substantial later, when I have more personal time (I'm working for the man as of now...)